The Dark Chronicles Act 15: Getting Older

I've had this blog in my head for most of the day, but I haven't had much time to write it.  This week has been very busy, and it has felt like there hasn't been much time to think or write or listen to music, which I will do after this blog.  A younger person could probably do it all, but that's to the point of this blog.

For those that have followed me for years, you know that I have embraced the realities of getting older.  That doesn't mean that I don't take actions to try to keep fit or choose a good diet.. both within reason.  However, I have long outgrown that desire among those that fight aging, who don't like to talk about their age or aging or getting older.  I don't dye my hair.  I don't hide my hair loss patches.  I don't try to pretend I will have a washboard ab.  I don't try to hide my wisdom that has been gained by age.  I will tell old dad jokes, and I will talk about the weather... the way the world is turning... aches and pains.. and more.  I stopped pretending that everything works naturally.. ha.. and take measures to help make it enjoyable for me and others and to not kick myself when it doesn't always go according to plan.  

Some will see this as a flaw.  Others will not have a problem with it.  I tend to find more that accept that I age, because if the same aging spotlight was turned on others, it wouldn't make them look very well, either.  But, I stopped letting whether someone accepts it or not affect how I feel about myself.   At this age, if that is a major flaw to someone else that I age, they disqualify themselves to participate in the next round.

For 4 years, I spent a lot of time down in Florida, before returning to where I am, now.  I met a lot of people that were in their later years of life, and I found that once you get past that insecure stage, you reach a sort of elder social club.  Now, I still have a while to go before I am really a full elder age.  However, it helped me regain a proper perspective of life.  Life isn't about looking young.  Indeed, as you get older, you recognize the full meaning of "immature" and lose value for the opinions of those that are still in the learning stages of life.  They have something to offer, but they have much to unlearn.

Getting older isn't a flaw.  It isn't a bad mark.  It is an accomplishment, and you know many of the dark truths in life that the majority won't know and won't speak.. unless you are like me that says what I mean and means what I say.  Your body won't always work well, but that isn't something to fear.  It is actually a test.  Some day, your body will have a LOT of problems, and you will be old.  When you reach that point, will those around you care for you and be interested in being connected to you and appreciate you?   There is a lot of talk about the old Penguins that hold hands in old age, and that is the real dream in life.  It doesn't just mean romantic partners but friends and more.  Who will be at your side, when you get to older ages?  If they will not, they should not be your main focus or priority in your current years, either.  I want those around me that would like me broke, sick, sometimes irrational, or needy, as well as how I am in my confident and good times.  I want companions that will like me younger or older.  And, I am grateful for the tests that make that apparent.  

So, don't fear getting older.  Don't hide getting older.  Don't change to appear immature.  You are entitled to be the mature hero that you have become, and I say you should enjoy the remainder of your life, until you no longer can do so. 

 

I Don't Know

This will be the most anticlimatic blog post that I have ever done, but I feel that it is among the most important.  We... ESPECIALLY bloggers and those in positions of influence.. feel the need to make conclusions about things and therefore to know what we need to know in order to do so.  However, how often in your life have you been fully confident of where you are, the choices you made to get there, or where you are going?  It has been my experience that by the time I reach five years in my life.. at any time.. I am so far beyond where I thought I would be 5 years ago that it is unrecognizable.  Moreso, I and how I am viewing things, is often very unrecognizable from the person that I used to be.

There is a favorite Doctor Who scene that I have often noted in my blog where the doctor is saying that we all change and are all different people than we used to be and that is good, as long as we remember who we used to be.  I like that, and it is very true.  I was who I was in those time in the past, and I am who I am in this time, as well.  People around us change.  Situations change.  Our convictions change.  Our situations change.  It doesn't make it less who we were at the time to have been those people, and we are no less ourselves in our current lives that we are living, either.

The fact of the matter is that we don't know what the future holds.  We can guess.  We can make plans off what we like and what we want.  But, my last years in particular have taught me over and over that what you expect to be true, even if everything around you seems to confirm it, may not necessarily be true in the future.  And, if it is not, it is not someone's fault.  It is just how things unfolded.  It may not be worse, either.  It is just that it is.

I have been watching a show called Buccaneers, recently, though what I am going to say about it can be echoed in many different other shows.  In this show, the romantic coupling keeps changing.  This episode, this woman was meant to be with this man, who was meant to be with this girl.  But, the next episode may have it that no... she was supposed to be with this other man, and he was supposed to be with this other girl.  In one episode this is the bad guy or girl for something, but the next episode changes the storyline on its head.  Some are of course toxic and objectively bad, but many are just.. well.. the kind of changes that happen as people feel out their emotions and determine which storyline is best for them all.  That... as messy as it is.. happens to be very true to who life tends to work out.

I don't want to make this purely about relationships, as this concept applies to many parts of our lives.  All I want to say with it and is important for you to know is that you WON'T know everything, and you WILL make changes in your life... and sometimes change back.  All you need to know is this.  The only constant is change, and it will all work out just fine.  You don't need to know how the story unfolds to read and enjoy it.  So, turn the chapter and keep learning where your story will go. 

Confession and Forgiveness: The Hardest Wisdom

I wanted to do a post about some observations that I've had over life that are important for finding peace and happiness.  This is not a plug for religion, as I'm not sure they understand it, either.  So, I will not be putting it in religious terms or suggestions for enacting it.  It is really more of a personal responsibility and reward.

I did something similar, years ago, as a post I had set as a page on my blog that was accessible from the main menu, but this post will be more of a matured expression of it.  Anyways... to begin.

What are some of the most offensive things to say in our society?  I'd say among them would be.. I forgive you and I was wrong.  The first is offensive to the one being forgiven, because it indicates there was something to forgive,  and the second is offensive to the one saying it for the same reason.  Now, what are some of the most helpful things to be said to heal from the past and find peace and happiness... the same statements.  

At the end of the Ted Lasso series, Jamie Tart is encouraged to forgive his father.  He didn't want to do it, saying he didn't want to give him that.  Ted says that he isn't giving him that but giving that to himself.  That is an extreme example involving someone that does not apologize.  But, it contains a truth.  Holding bitterness hurts you, not the other person.  It's not a good way to live.  Nor is it good to refuse to admit you're wrong and allow that pain on another.

I've often said that I'm not perfect and make mistakes.  That isn't a justification, nor an excuse.  It's just reality. I try to learn and grow from my own mistakes, but I will remain flawed over my life.  In reconnecting with my ex wife as friends, it began with a conversation where apologies were said.  It continues with the kind of grace people always say they desire but do not always give to those closest to them.  I have other connections from the past that did not so heal, either from the failure to apologize or the refusal to accept the apology.  I will continue to accept own failures in them, even if that is not received, and I will continue to give grace, even if not admitted.  My own peace and happiness demands it, and at the end of the day that is the most important part.. finding peace with others, even those not in your life or even those who should not be.  Let it go and grow.  

I know these are hard truths to accept, especially in a society that encourages discontent and blame.  But, that's part of why society is so messed up.  You can be better. I'm rooting for you.