The Dark Chronicles Act 21: It's the Hard That Makes it Great

“It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." - A League of Their Own

I was watching Our Flag Means Death tv show, tonight, and in one part of it one character asks another what it is like to be in love.  The other one said it was when it was easy.  I liked the scene up til that point, but hearing that both bothered me and led to this blog post.  I think that most people reading this blog would not see anything wrong with that quote, and that is why this blog post is important.

Over recent weeks, I have been reflecting on what makes something real to the core of our being.  What I was ultimately concluding was the exact opposite of that quote.  I have lived my life in many situations, and when it is easy... it is easy to be a part of it.  I've been in situations where I thought that everything was secure and right... til it got hard.  I don't just mean relationships.  I look back over my life, right now.  I can think of many friendships, workplaces, and more that seemed like they wuold remain, forever.  Then.. it got hard.  Sometimes, that caused others to exit.  Sometimes, it caused me to do so.. to my shame.  Sometimes, it was both.  

I've had friendships end, because there were political differences.  I have had friction happen in families, because of uncomfortable situations.  I have faced poverty, illness, and much more in my life.  What I have seen is that those that care for you or you for them, struggle does not mean an end to how they or you feel.  Indeed, if you care, you care for them in their struggle.  You care for them when they are not pleasant to you.  You care for them, when they have nothing to offer you in return.  That is when you know that it is true care.  It remains, long after reason tells you there is no benefit that it remain.

In the movie quoted above, the player tells the coach that they can't do something, because it is hard.  The coach played by Tom Hanks tells them that it is the hard that makes it great.  Indeed.   The Bible tells us that God tests those that He loves.  It also says that God causes us to face trials (by the devil) as part of God's plan to refine us.  In fact, it is often through loss and pain that I have grown the most in my life.  If it was easy, I would never have grown.  And, it is those moment that you face trial that you know the most that an emotion or a commitment is true.  You cannot know that without the trial or struggle.

So, this post is simply to say this.  If it is easy.. my advice is to be most unsure and when you see comfort and security in struggle, that is the most sure sign that you can have peace.  That's why wedding vows always were made to say... in SICKNESS and in health, for richer for POORER.. and so on.  Struggle and hard is not a sign that something is wrong.  it is a challenge for you to step up and prove the truth of something and make something more real than it is when it is just.. convenient.

 

Name Your Confessions

I've noted it a couple times over the years, but I used to have a page that stayed at the top of my blogs where I said that the story of the angel set to obscure the Garden of Eden was to make it appear like something that no one wants.  It's also like the cup in the Indiana Jones Last Crusade movie that was the most plain of them all.  And, in that page on my blog, I said that I believed the highest wisdom of all ages that was hidden in plain sight was to be found in CONFESSION.

How's that?  We have all heard about confession.  Indeed, people that preach "salvation" in Jesus will quote Bible verses about how you need to confess your sings in order to be saved.  Not much of a mystery, then... right?  But, then, how many actually DO what those passages say to do.  I am not saying that they won't pray for forgiveness of "unnamed" sins.. or things "done or not done" in their confessions.  Surely, that is enough.. right?  Well, I can confess "unnamed" things all day long without actually being specific about them... or even being sorry.

I'm treading on very fickle waters in my theology, here.  Because, I will CONFESS that I don't believe all the Bible to be the will of God or even necessarily words of God.   And, I'll further confess that if it WAS the will of God in some of the things that were ordered or directed, I would outright reject the being.  I just choose to believe in the Love of God more than the judgement of God.  However, there are some passages that I do believe echoes Divine wisdom and truth, and one of them is indeed confession.. but not confession to God.  Indeed, from my Bible courses in college and Seminary, I recall that it was a common passage direction that if you were going to God to make an offering and remember you have wrong against another, you were directed to leave your gift and go make peace with your brother or sister.  Peace with man was more important than clearing guilt with God.. or to be more theologically correct.. God would rather you make your offering to your neighbor than to Him and get their forgiveness than His.

We are, instead, led by groups to hate this group or that group and find fault with one another.. directed BY the churches, oftentimes.  Confession is not seen as wisdom.  it is seek as weakness.  You are, they say, to seek forgiveness from God but stay as far away from your enemies as possible, despite Jesus own words to the contrary.

So, why is confession wisdom?  Just think about it for a minute.  If you deny or hide your wrongs, you will only embolden your enemies and make your heart bitter.  But, if you confess your wrongs, you might make peace with them and find a life with less stress and more love and caring connections.  You will find more unity, rather than living in the rubble of Babel.  Confession has led me to many reconciliations, and that is a goal I will continue to seek.  I have been wrong in many different ways, and I freely admit it.  I try to grow from them and learn from them, but some are harder to overcome than others.  Those that care about you will feel for you in that struggle and try to help, while those that are opposed to you will only see your confession as more reason to hate you... filtering out those who are not good for you.. another wise outcome.

So, name your confessions.  Tell those you wronged that you are wrong.  Give them a chance to respond.  Then, as you admit them to yourself, forgive yourself and move forward.  

Now, no one should be demanding that you confess or reminding you of your wrongs to fault you for their own validation.  That is not the heart of someone that loves and is in fact a wrong of them to do, itself.  You will also find as you analyze yourself that there are some things that are not wrong, at all.  They are just different than another likes.  That isn't a case of confession and forgiveness but recognition and either acceptance or finding another path.  I am not saying you should repent for being yourself, but even here it is important that you confess that you are who you are.

So, I hope you find the wisdom in this post, but I assume that it will be ignored and likely shadow banned for being too real.  But, in a blog that tells uncomfortable truths, this is indeed one. 

Why I Picked my Playlist Songs

For many years, I have created playlists that I shared and listened to on my own.  Sometimes, I had them on my blog, but most of the time they have been shared separately.  My playlists are a little like Tarot in that they are often selected by listening to songs like cards, til I feel a spiritual check on a song, and I just know that they should be in the playlist.  They are not just to communicate how I am feeling to others. Many times, they are songs that become important to me in the course of their week... that I needed to be listening to that song at that time.  I wanted to do a post on why I selected the songs in my current playlist.  I could do this with any of my playlists, but I thought it was good to do for this one.

November 2025 Playlist 3

Madelline - Opinions - I found Madelline a few years ago.  She is not afraid to speak her mind and say controversial things, which I admire.  This song is about not caring what others have to say in trying to control you but to be yourself.

Ava Max - Lost Your Faith - Despite the religious imagry inserted into the video, this song is not really about religious faith.  It is about people not losing faith in each other.  I think this is an important thing to be reminded about.. especially in our age of fear and fault finding.

For King and Country - Run Wild .. the chorus says it all.. "Run wild, live free, love strong."  Be passionate in living your life.

Chappell Roan - Pink Pony Club .. This song is also about being yourself, even if others close to you feel the need to judge you for doing it.

Mae Stephens - Small Town Syndrome .. This song is about the very real challenge of being a spectacle and object and judgement by those that know you.  Many feel they must hide themselves from those closest to them or hide people from them... because what would they say... this song is closely related to the next.

Kate Hudson - Voices Carry.. This cover of the old song is about someone in a relationship, where the other person wants them to be quiet... because "voices carry" and the need to keep it secret.  Well, that doesn't work for me.  When I AM in a relationship in the future, I will be the pride of someone, not their secret. If I cannot be transparent myself, also, I don't want to be in it.  No one should feel ashamed about being themselves or doing what they love.

Kent - Falska Profeter - Kent is such a great band that I often have included their songs without knowing the meaning of their foreign language words.  However, this one is also about choosing freedom over condemning voices and pointing fingers.

Ivan Torrent - Beyond Love 2 - the first song was about a woman finding love with a dragon.  This song has her feeling she should go to be with her people, only to find herself controlled and ends with her being saved by the dragon and taken to his island.

Lindsey Sterling - Halo theme - I love Lindsey.  This song inspires you to fight for what is right for you.

This Wandering Day - this song is from LOTR Rings of Power, and it is about stepping out into adventure and finding new life.

Zendaya - Neverland - I included this song, because it to me is about holding onto and stepping into your dreams.

Rachel Platten - Girls .. I included this because I support women, but I also can identify with the lyrics in speaking and being your truth. 

 

 

The Dark Chronicles Act 20: Giving Vs Investing

Today, I was walking around the gym walking track and was thinking about how different my view of giving and caring happens to be from so many others and society at large.  That is what makes this a Dark Chronicles post.  It had to occur to me randomly, because it is not something that I would normally think.  I was just thinking of some of the "giving" I see by some organizations and government bodies and more that come with strings and conditions.

I mean.. I get it.  I understand why people that are investing would want to make sure their investment is sound and that they would get something worthwhile in return for their investments.  That is smart financial planning.  I just don't see giving as investing.  I am not looking to gain or a return.  I don't give with a plan by the recipient on how they will be paying me back, because I am not expecting that they will EVER be paying me back.  I don't give to get something.. financial or otherwise.

Indeed, it is very similar in fact to what conditions that I will face in my own life, upon giving.  There is a reason why I have made a lot of money over the years and do not have it, now.... very often it was given to others in need without the intent for it to come back to me, simply because they needed it.  That was all that I needed to know.  The result of my life or the chance turns of negative that happens does not ever make me think... I shouldn't have given that to them.  I would not withdraw one dollar spent, one effort given, or one minute of compassion shown to anyone in my past.  They needed it.  That is all that I needed to know.

As I reflected on that, I was thinking that I have often had a very wrong impression of the story of Job, which is the same wrong impression by almost every teacher that I have ever had teach me what the oldest book in the Bible means.  In all of those lessons, the story goes like this.  Job had a lot of possessions and connections.  Then, the devil (at God's command) took away all of his things and people around him.  The temptation was to curse God for having taken all of it away and to have less of a soft hard for others and for life.  The assumption was that this was a hard thing to do, after losing so much.

And... I bought into that.  I believed it would be hard to do, and I prayed that I would never be put to that test.  And.. then.. over many years I have faced one trial or another of lost close connections, lost assets, and more.  And... I give.  I care.  And... it's not actually hard to do.  Because, my desire to give and to help others has nothing to do with the amount I have or the response I get.  It is just because others needed it.  It was never about investing for me, and I would challenge anyone that does expect a return to ask if they ever really gave their money or care to another at all, or did they just loan it for a bigger return.

So, that is the question that I will leave you to ponder.  I think the question will do more than my words can ever do for yourself or those around you in need. 

The Dark Chronicles Act 19: Compromise

You know what I have never seen?  I have never... not once.. in my life seen or been a part of a loud argument that ended with one side saying, "OH.. I see now.  Ok, that makes sense.  Thank you for correcting me."  Yet, we are so accustomed to defending our positions and feeling the need to win over another's argument that we get defensive and emotions rise and rise, literally shutting down brain passages that can lead to resolution.  

I have been a part of that culture on both sides.  I have felt the need to attack and defend.  Then, later, I may change my opinion on something on my own and.. again.. feel the need to attack and defend.  I have seen it on all sides in politics, religion, philosophy, and more.  I have felt the need when relationships ended in the past to attribute blame or fault and have been the target of others doing the same.  We just went through a month and a half of government shutdown, because both sides ran to the extremes, instead of running to the center to compromise.  Indeed, many are being attacked right now for compromising in order to be functional, giving us a very clear example of why it is that you should not turn to others for advice in any of your inter personal conflicts.  I am doing this blog post under the Dark Chronicles theme, because compromise is seen as failure and not progress, even as it is literally the only way that actually leads to progress.

As I have said, I have in the past been more vocal on my social media and more about how I'd been wronged or failed or more.  I have become much less so in recent years and recent times.  Why?  In part, because I am more emotionally exhausted and tired of conflict, as I get older.  I have also learned to value those that are steady and try to be so, myself.  People should not have to wake each day wondering how others or you are going to be, that day.  I like a life that I can just exhale and live in safety.  That is what I desire for my future and plan to give for others futures.

However, another reason is that being confrontational is, all by itself, a sign that discussion is ending.  As I led off saying in this post, no one is convinced by an attack.  No one will be convinced by one.  It will not produce the results that you desire to have.  If there is something that you feel you cannot say in peace to someone, saying it another way will not communicate it and accomplish its understanding, either.  So, it should either be ignored (if minor or being something that does not need to be said) or should be seen as an obstacle to connection.  I tend to put more in the category that can be ignored than I used to do, but some things are deep enough on a personality level that it would be something that would always be an obstacle to deeper connection. 

Yet.... even when values or personalities clash, it does not mean that people cannot still converse, work together at a job, or exist within their presence.  Society cannot function, if we require all those around us to be like us.  At some point, you just have to say.. well.. I can't get all that I want in this exchange, but I can peacefully co exist and find solutions that benefit us both in order to be functional and live a life of peace and success.  We all know this, but few practice it.  I intend to practice it more, as a life of peace and success and happiness is my life goal from here on out.   If someone wronged me, no one needs to know but them.  If I can feel free to communicate it to them and work together, compromise can happen and growth in the connection.  If I cannot communicate it to them in a peaceful way, it should not be said, anywhere else either.  Instead, it should serve as information to help me guide my path in the future.  

People may judge you wrongly for how things turned out, especially if the other person is more vocally critical of you to them.  However, again, striking back will not convince them and will be seen as validation of your guilt, instead.  There are several songs that I have had in playlists over the last years, including Bad Guy by Billie Eilish that I'm seeing in concert, tonight, that basically says if someone is determined to judge and attack you then you should just accept the mantle of villain in in their story.  It is my experience that people will either look for ways to love you or hate you, and your words will really have little to do with that choice.  If you fail, someone that cares for you will look for ways to help you succeed or pick you up.  Someone that does not will chalk it up as confirmation of their expectation of a pattern.  Someone that wants you to succeed will celebrate with you.  Someone that doesn't will be upset, even in your success or happiness.  I do not say that to say they are wrong but simply to highlight the futility of defense and attack.  In the end, saying something will not accomplish what it is that you want to accomplish, so you are better off to let it alone and look for ways to be happy, instead.

So, as I said... this is relatively new to me, so I am growing in my application of it, and it is not popular to enact in this world.  But, I do believe that it needs to be said that the only key to finding inter personal happiness in this world is not by the desire to win but, instead, the desire to lose a little to gain a functional compromise, instead. 

 

Dark Chronicles Act 18: Undefined - Free, Happy, Caring, Bold

For many years, I have been moving towards making my own decisions and being my own person, apart from pressures from others.  It has led to a lot of personal growth and identification of things that I like that I didn't really understand, before being so liberated.  And, it is DEFINITELY something that fits in the Dark Chronicles series, as when you begin to do it you will face pressure from ALL sides to pick a side, pick a category, follow a script, or allow them to conclude how you are for you.  So, it will not be an easy path, but I believe it to be the most honest and true path you can do to discovering and being yourself, without feeling like you have to curtail that to fit in another person's or group's expectations.

Before I begin, however, I do want to note what being undefined does NOT mean.  It does not mean throwing off things like empathy or cooperation or interdependence.  I am not in this peace promoting being an island that only thinks about themselves.  Ironically, it is not only popular to think only about yourself but for many groups thinking only about yourself is a qualification to be accepted in a group.... political, religious, or otherwise.  What this post and this concept IS would be more accurately defined as simply being true to yourself and to others.

I am not in a relationship.  I do many things with someone that are things that are ALSO done in relationships, but it doesn't automatically mean we are in a relationship.  Indeed, those things can be seen in non relationship contexts, as well.  Does it mean I won't be in a relationship in the future?  No.  But, I am fairly recently out of a serious relationship and not ready for a relationship.  I still face triggers a lot of things that invoke relationship interpretations or self criticisms or more.  That is true, and that is honest.  The person I do things with understands that, and it is not a problem.  We can still do those things and enjoy our time.  Just because I am healing does not mean that I have to live in isolation and self deprivation.  I can go to movies and eat at restaurants and go to concerts and enjoy vacations and more.  To be specific we both can CHOOSE to do so without feeling obligation or expectation or judgement.  It is satisfying and healing, and I can openly speak about my own healing process to her, as well.   And... when I begin to try to describe the situation or her, everyone immediately launches into forcing categories and labels that do not fit and only serve to make our situation less satisfying and rewarding.  So, rather than allow others to define the situation, we just ignore their need to label and continue being ourselves.

It's not actually as odd and so many try to make it.  I've lived in Florida for years, and I would go out to Meetup events where older people would get together to do things together all the time without it meaning there was a couple or relationship.  Indeed, it was very popular in Florida dating scene that people would date without the intention or desire to have a relationship or to meet the other's kids or more.  Some where widowed.  Some were divorced.  However, many were just satisfied with the time they had with their kids and those years and wasn't looking to include someone in that picture but to start a new adventure, afterwards with one person or many people.  If people did choose to form a relationship, it often still included friendships with many others, as well, on both sides.  Being single doesn't mean being alone, as you can see in many movies, but that is rarely accepted in greater society that are still determined to determine the lives of others.

To move away from relationships, however... because this concept is much bigger than that application.. you can can choose to be good to another and care for another and help another without it being your job, without doing it to be "saved" or as downpayment on sins or church membership.  You can do it without telling anyone, or you can include others in it, again without it being part of an organization or "mission" call.  You can do it, even if you are an atheist or witch or Satanist or more... and I have met all of those categories that are very involved in bettering the lives of those in need.  It is not unique to religion.  Indeed, I've seen in more often in non religious bodies, but it can be in religious bodies, as well... though I would fight against any belief that it is the result of religion but at best  a good environment for it to take place, as well.

You can love without it being a relationship.  You can care for another without it being a calling or a career.  You can work at something without it being paid (such as a blog cough cough).  Being undefined is not popular, but it instead a free realm for you to stretch out and enjoy your life in ways that being a member of a group may not let you be, and you can inspire others that would be turned off from your membership in one group or another.  So, to conclude this post, I would simply ask you judge less on categories, stop trying to force others to fit boxes, and find ways to learn about and be yourself that maybe others around you may not understand.  That in my opinion is the most true way to live life. 

Grace - Freedom to Fail

This morning, I noticed dishes in the sink thatI planned to wash but was rushing out the door to go to work.  I immediately felt guilty and condemned, even though there was literally no one there that would condemn me for not doing it.  However, I've been conditioned from different times in my life to feel that I had to be perfect and any failure was being tracked and eventually used against me.  

To be fair, at times in my life I was the one keeping score, too.  It wasn't always a romantic partner that was the critic or target, because sometimes it was work or kids or others.  I don't tell any of this to fault anyone, as I am just as guilty in my past as others.  What I present with it is an example of the long term effects of being in such an environment.

Even though I have experienced this in the past, I'm making an active attempt to not continue with that kind of mentality, though it will take time to reset myself to have more triggers of self doubt or criticism and to live a life of grace, instead.  What does that mean?  It means allowing others and myself to fail.  It means to let others live their lives their way without judgment or expectation and to allow myself to make mistakes and not be perfect, either.

I do realize that a lot of that is presumed natural in a relationship, but I do not think it is healthy in one.  I am not in a relationship, but when I am in the future, I intend to live it in grace and freedom, instead of keeping lists and judgment.  A life of grace is more important to me than any coupling or ring, and that will always remain true.