Trusting the Process

There is a mentality that is common in beach communities and other nature loving groups that draws from seeing the magniture of the univrse and how to changes.  It is a combination of awe in the systems that are going around us and a humility of realizing how little of a part of it all that we happen to be.  Suddenly, in that moment, things we thought were so important seem small and things that seemed urgent are given a pause.

I have have had a lot of plans that did not go the way that I thought they would go.  There are changes that have happened off and on all though my life.  Some of them have been very difficult leavings and some are difficult comings due to feelings and fears.  In the midst of it all, it can be so conflusing and unclear.  

However, one thing that I have concluded over my life is that the desire to control outcomes only serves to potentially lead to their demise and keep us from needed changes within ourself or our direction.  Ultimately, what will happen, will happen.  

Now, I'm not going to preach a all things happen for a reason message or all things are random.  Doing so would assume that all things are the same, and that is not the case.  Nor, am I qualified to know what the purpose of anything would be, if there is a purpose... or knowledgeable about what is happening in each of your individual lives.

But, what I do feel confident in saying is that fighting against changes are less important than observing them, learning from them, improving ourselves, and moving forward with lessons for a better future.

So, this blog post is me saying that in my own life, I am going to stop trying to make things fit my plans and am going to be more observant and an open participant in trusting that the process, though difficult at time, is able to be a means to making a better me and therefore a better future for myself and others.  I would suggest that is something that can be true for us all.

Loving Your Improvement

I was looking over an old post of mine recently where I was talking about the debate of the question of can people change.  In it, I noted that people say God doesn't change, yet you see different types of expression from him, depending on the situation.  I noted that it didn't mean that God had changed but that just like us how we respond may change to different people and in different situations.  I don't mean that to sound critical, because it is not always the case that someone is less worthy to get a different reaction or expression.  As we are human, sometimes our change of expression can be caused by something like being hungry or stressed or having a loved one facing medical issues or more.  However, that was the focus of that post, and this one only touches on the concept to go in a different direction.

In that post, however, I noted that part of my reason for feeling that people can change is that I have changed over the many decades of my life, as has my opinions, my body, and more.  It is the same person....  my soul didn't leave my body... however, I changed over time when new information came into me to process or when I was affected by being in different environments or had a different diet or exercise routine.  For example, for a while now I have been engaged in fitness and correcting my overall diet.  That has changed my body.

Now, here I need to change one thing I have said in the past.. again because of my learning from experience.  It isn't a change, but it is more like a counter to fully complete the concept.  I have said that growth is hard and that no one likes to exercise but likes the result.  Overall, that is true.  However, it is possible to learn to LOVE it, as well.

I saw a meme recently that talked about how choices become habits and habits become identity.  I think there were a few more steps in there, but it is applicable here.  I made the choice to keep going out and doing fitness, even when I didn't feel like it or the weather wasn't great or such.  That discipline led to big fitness leaps.  It also made me fall in love with self improvement.  I realized that I cannot change a lot in the world, but I can always improve myself.  Now, I love the opportunity for improvement, and I give myself challenges to reach to become the best that I can possibly be.  I am working towards running a half marathon, next year, right now.  But, I want to improve in all areas of my life.  I think everyone, no matter how good, can always identify something in which they are deficient or weak and improve it.

So, that is my challenge for you, this week.  What do you have that you can improve?  Then, start establishing a discipline of habits that will make you love your improvement and lead to a greater version of yourself... not for others but for you.  I will cheer you as you courageously rise up to meet that task.

Raise the Bar on Yourself

I have had a mentality in the past that seemed right at the time and think there is a point in it for your self respect, but I think upon reflection that it is also damaging to your self respect.  Thinking it over fresh, I don't think I'd share the mentality, now.

What I used to feel and do was that I didn't want someone choosing me or liking me for superficial reasons.  So, I'd wear glasses or dress casual on many days or more.  I wanted them to like me for me and not for superficial reasons.  I thought this was supporting my self respect.  However, as I've been taking time to improve myself more and more.  I feel good when I look good or dress well... regardless of whether others notice.  I'm not doing it for them.

But, why CAN'T I do it for them, too.  This is a new way of thinking for me, so I'm exploring it.  Not everyone is meant to be your forever person, but they can be a fun part of your life or good to be in your life.  I don't mean it solely sexually, but to use that to make the point... I don't need to understand the lifestory of someone I see on porn, nor do people need to have a connection that lasts with a book or movie character for them to masturbate to that, either.

So.. to bring it back to being PG... if I can enjoy others for even just a conversation or friendly company or to admire... why should I fail at being the best I can be for them.  Making myself less to test their interest doesn't just send the message that I want someone that will love me at my worst but tells them that's all they should expect.. which I do not want to be true.

So, I will be doing more to improve my appearance and more.. for myself, first, but also because I wouldn't want to present less than my best to others.

Improve Yourself

As I have noted, I have been spending weeks focusing on the good in my past and seeing it for the good that it is without following the way of the world to trash it in a sort of burn to purify technique to remove a period from your mind and reset to something new.  In the past, I have taken part in that kind of thinking, but it does not work and creates more problems than it attempts to solve.  It leaves you bitter, and you take part in doing the devil's work of stealing your joy, making you doubt yourself, making you doubt others, and more.  However, if you look objectively at the times and focus on the good that was present in your life in those days, you find yourself grateful that you took a chance to be able to have it in that moment, find more faith in the potential of others, and find the peace and hope of the past to walk into the future.

However, as I reflect on the good in my past and connections lost, I am left with the question and the challenge.... why did it end?  Despite another way of the world habit of looking at the flawed actions of others and the good intentions of ourselves, no one is perfect... not even you.  There has never been a failure in your life that did not include some blame of yourself.  I remember having a conversation with my dad one time about a relationship issue at the time, and he said to me that there are always two people in any argument... two people that can be to blame.

Yes, it is possible that there are systematic issue, and our mind always goes there to justify ourselves.  However, as I look at successful couples out there, do you know what I find?  They are messy.  They have issues.  They make mistakes.  They have some loud arguments at times.  They forget things and fail each other and more.  They often have very different personalities.  But... they love each other, beyond all that.  They apologize.  They look for ways that they can improve.  I used to say that romance is learning how to make the other person smile and doing it. 

I have made a lot of mistakes.  I have blamed others, when I should have been focused on my own needs to improve.  I justified myself, rather than learn what the other person needed.  I, in my pain, threw up walls, cried out loud, blamed groups, and more.  I was wrong.  I failed to provide a secure place for the person that was hurting enough to leave me.  

So, now, I'm trying to learn and improve, while remembering the good that I once had as motivation.  I know I can be a better human, no matter the good I have done in the past.  And, my goal for 2026 is to learn and improve.  That's my resolution.