Without giving any particular personal details, I do want to talk in general about where I am and how I am feeling in my mentality shift. It will not be critical of others or reference the past more than to generally reflect on how I used to think about things compared to how I currently think about things.
I used to feel that since I valued love that the highest form of existence was to be in a relationship, so I felt that it I wasn't in a relationship that it meant that I was in a state of being broken, and I felt.. even when I was content on being single and on my own.. that ultimately that full healing would come after I resumed love with someone. I know that many feel the same way, and I know that it can be possible to be healed and in a relationship and happy. However, even then, I believe that seeing anyone as the source of your healing only gives them the power to rip open that wound at any time and puts the key to happiness in someone else's hands, as well as giving them too much responsibility or blame or credit.
This time processing has taken a different feel and depth to it than has in prior times. I feel that I touched on the ways that I am feeling at different times in the past, but I feel that this transformation has been more... evolutionary... becoming the next level of what I was meant to be.
For example, it took me a while to want to use dating apps, again. However, when I did, it has been accompanied by a lack of respect for them, as I have seen how the dating apps have so many risks and flaws. I don't approach them as the solution but as a way to see interesting people. And, more importantly, as I have taken time to fall in love with myself and my interests, I approach the dating apps and scene as a distraction to my already happy life. I am not opposed to using the apps or having conversations, but they are just another way to interact with people and experience life.
Similarly, I have started using MeetUp app to get out of the house to do events. For those that don't know, it is not a dating app but is a way for people to look for events that others are doing and to join them and to meet interesting people and have fun without the pressure or anxiety of meeting others or being good enough for them. You can just be blatant and fully yourself and have conversations with people that you may not ever talk to again or will just develop friendships with them.. both genders. I have met the most interesting people over my years of doing it and learn things that I never knew, before. These things are ways to help you go grow and become what you like, as you learn what you like, too.
In years past, I met people that lived on house boats or came from other cities and visited other countries that I have never been and knew little about. Recently, I heard some very interesting things about Vietnam and Cambodia, but I have also learned things about my own city that I never knew, as well. And, I had fun.. a lot... and it wasn't tied with whether I was good enough for anyone or walked away from there as other than being single. It almost makes me want to remain single to keep doing it, in fact.
So, I am not posting this about not being in a relationship. That can be very good, as well. But, I am posting this to say.. don't rush it and even when you do start dating and get in one, take into it the curious person full of wonder and peace that you met and became, along the way. Or don't... I don't have power over your life and should not. I'm just openly speaking what I have come to understand, personally, along my own path.
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