There is a reason why fiction sections and bookstores are much bigger than biographies. And there is a reason why people prefer movies and TV shows over documentaries. We have a fascination with fiction. And fiction is the handiwork of a narcissist. With fiction they can control someone even after they no longer have them by controlling the perception of others about them.
Fourteen years ago, I escaped a very toxic relationship that had made me extremely stressed out and mentally depressed for over a decade. I chose it for my own mental peace, but my ex would not honor my desire for peace. And, I would spend the next decade or more dealing with one thing after another where she was trying to inflict suffering on me for having the gall to leave her. But, who cares what one person thinks about you? What damage can they do? A lot as it turns out.
When you are one person and I believe especially if you are a man, and you are not in a relationship the future women that you've come in contact with wonder why you are not in that relationship and I have experienced them all... that you ended it because you are careless or that you did something to cause them to want to do something against you or so on. And then the next person carries those doubts into the relationship and that affects their perception of them and possibly causes an ending there. I'm not saying this simply as a victim for I have been responsible for misconceptions myself at various times.
But when one person believes something and that causes another person to believe something. Then, the third person wonders well you have these other two people that didn't like him and the misconception grows. This happens in the absence of future actions by the narcissist, but rarely does a narcissist just give up. In my case, the narcissist was my ex and we had a child together. So that narcissist was very concerned about the child's perception of them and who was wrong in the divorce.. because they see divorce as being evil and bad the person that is responsible for the divorce. They have to make the other person out to be this bad person. Not just to themselves, but to their child.
Unfortunately, I've had to deal with that over my existence with my child. Having to respond to their attempts to control the perception by creating false charges or assumptions in the mind of the child by my ex. The child not wanting to have a bad relationship with your parent will often go along with it. I've actually had conversations with my child where I learned that when they are with the other parent they go along with what the parent is saying, because they don't want to make that parent upset, even if they don't believe that about the parent themselves. However, repeated lies being told that the other person their other parent is a bad person can take a toll upon parent-child relationships. Now, the deception bubble grows .. not only do you have future romantic interests that now doubt you, but you have relatives, friends, others that say, well, all these people don't like him, so something must be wrong and now they're on a fishing expedition to find out what it is. That causes someone to have so much rejections. Such is the handiwork narcissist.
Then, if you speak up...again I believe as a man.. you are told to let it go and not protest, being seen as the aggressor and told to just walk away in peace, which I'd exactly how you got to the situation and false perception to begin with...and the work of the narcissist to control you is complete.
I don't really have a solution to this, other than get far away from them and try not to talk about them or be available for them to continue to abuse. But, I guess the lesson I would provide is this... be very careful who you marry and walk away if it is toxic...far away.. before you get invested with someone that can destroy your life long after you are no longer their puppet.
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