My philosophy.. especially lately.. is to always try things and see if it responds back to you. I don't just mean romantically or friendship but location and situation.
You've heard me blog about the principle of resonance and how you can ring and ring but if something is not like you it won't ring any bells in them, too. But, the tricky thing about resonance, though, is you cannot know if it is there til you try for it.
However, the lesson that I've always been slow at learning is if there is not resonance, you need to stop sitting there banging your bell, expecting something to happen. I'm getting better at it, but it took almost 4 years of almost monthly crisis for me to realize that Florida was not working for me. I know that I wanted to be here with my child, but I would end up having to work so hard to try to meet the expenses that you find in Florida that I was always working, even on weekends when I often had them. And, I was always struggling to be able to afford presents and to enjoy the time that I had with them.
If I had spent the time in Oklahoma, instead, I could have afforded trips down to see them very often, more expensive gifts, and probably a better relationship overall. I thought it would be a good gesture that they would have seen about me coming down to spend my time near them when all they wanted to was be able to talk to me every now and then and for me to give them space to grow as a young as a growing teen.
There was five years that she's lived with me mainly for custody, and her mother didn't move to be close to us. I thought my being here would have been something that would have meant something.
But, look at now...even though their mother didn't make the journey to live near them, during those 5 years, they now have a semi functional relationship and they are currently living in her house. So, those 5 years didn't obviously do much damage. If I had, instead, stayed in Oklahoma, built up a good career with good money and possibly even established a good family there, they would have been much more happy coming to visit for summers and winters and be able to live the kind of income lifestyle that I know is one of the reasons that they like to live with their mom. Sometimes, sacrifice for someone else us not for someone else but their perception of you, and sometimes it's just stupid.
If you feel you are trying over and over and not seeing resonance with your plan, it sounds like you're on the wrong plan and need to make some adjustments. That's what I'm doing, now. And, I will be more quick to judge things by what results or efforts I see or lack thereof than just on hope and desire to see. And, I will only invest my time in things that I feel working back with me.
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