Feel Your Feelings

I am thinking as I reflect on some of my recent posts and focuses that it is important to post a contrasting reality that I have touched on in some of the posts but have not focused on, lately.. yet is something that I am aware of and apply, personally.

Yes, I am making a concerted effort to focus on the positive in my life, and would suggest that you do in your own life, which I will say further in a bit.  HOWEVER, my personal application and suggestion is not that you bury your pain or doubt or sadness or more and act like it does not exist.  I don't do that.  Rather, I feel that it has a role to play in formation of us that should be kept.  

In the most recent Agatha Christie mini series, Seven Dials, the main character is attacking a desk with a crow bar in her anger over the death of a friend and love interest.  The maid starts rushing for her room, but her mother, played by Helena Bonham Carter, stops her and says something like "Do not steal her grief."  It reminded me of a line by Agatha Harkness character (played by Kathryn Hahn) in Agatha All Along, where she says, "Don't rob her of her struggle."  And, in all of my focus on the positive, I do not want to take that from you.

I do not pretend that bad things hasn't happened or good things have passed or that I am perfect and don't mistakes.  One thing you will routinely hear from me in my blog posts and social media posts is that I AM flawed and make mistakes. I have understood that and have made that known for year, even though sometimes I forget in the pursuit of being better.

There are a couple songs that I have in my playlists from time to time that says this, and I think it is time to bring them back into the mix.  Sia in I am Healing says,"I've walked though shadows, carried the pain, silent battles left me standing in the rain, the weight of memories I couldn't release, but broken peaces can still find peace."  I know that it is hard to feel that you will feel that peace and many times in my life over many different circumstances, I felt that I could not, either.  But, the solution was not to try to escape the pain but to feel it and process it.  In that processing, I found that I had to accept my dark side and my dark history.  Yes, it happened, and you should not apologize for being yourself but you can grow from the mistakes and improve to be the best version of yourself.  It is important to give yourself grace on the journey.

I do have one in my current playlist ending March by Florence and the Machine in Everybody Scream, where she says, "I don't have to be kind, extraordinary, and normal, all at the same time."  Olivia O'Brien says in Love Myself, "I don't need to know who I am yet.  I don't need to have a solid plan yet, I don't need to e the same as everyone else, I just need to motherfuckin' love myself."

So, I will leave you with that.  FEEL your pain and struggle and process and grow from it.  It will not and should not ever go completely away, but you can make peace with your demons and begin to include new happiness and build a new you from it all, and I hope for your happiness that you do.