I haven't even started dating again, but I am mentally prepared to begin doing it.. I think. I'm open to it, but I am taking my time and will when it looks right, not because of any dates on calendars or the romantic success of others. I hope that for them, and I am happy, when I see people that have romantic success. It gives me hope. However, I don't live my life to meet any image or expectation of satisfaction of others, and even though I will have a little fun along the way my ultimate goal will be my forever person. But, I'm not like... looking for my soul mate and marriage partner. That is the ULTIMATE goal, but I am not going to force that to rush into anything on that premise. But... I'm gonna get into that, and I am getting ahead of myself. Welcome to a completely outlandish notes list on dating.. kidding... kinda. These are my thoughts on dating in general, and they should not really be controversial, though some might be to some. I will not be giving personal details on my own dating attempts on the blog or social media, and there will be no social media posts of those dates... probably not even when I find someone that I think might be great. Past experience has shown that being public with that, at least for along while, is not wise... for anyone involved.
1. It's only dating, not rocket science or brain surgery. You are allowed to make mistakes and doesn't always have to be someone that you have determined to be perfect... before the first date. That's not possible. You probably won't know if they are the right one after the first MONTH or longer. And, feeling that you have to know that is going to add a lot of pressure to make quick decisions that become harder to undo as time goes. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Avoid making conclusions, til you have more experience. But, when you do know it is NOT the right one, take action. Don't let time lead you into paths you don't need to be.
2. Quick summary of things to know... they are not your ex, and you are not theirs. You are not in an interview, nor are you giving them one. You are spending time together.. do that and observe. Everyone is putting on their best face at the beginning, so enjoy the face but keep learning. Hormones are not a bad thing, but they are not the only thing. Make sure it is about more than how great they look or how they make you feel.. because both of those will change. They don't need to share all of your interests, but if they have a love that you have as a challenge... that will grow, not decrease. Small non negotiables become large ones. Remember.. the fun and expensive meals and gifts and gestures and more are very nice, but the GOAL is to find someone with whom you can one day be completely comfortable and relaxed and messy and have flaws and KNOW they will love you, even then.
3. People that lead with what they do NOT like have already told you they are going to look for your flaws. Similarly, if you go into it looking for THEIR flaws, it probably won't go well, either. The BEST dates and people in my opinion are those that surprise you and teach you something new about yourself and the world. It's suppose to be an adventure.
4. Keep a blank slate that lets them define themselves by your experience with them. That definition should be based on experience, not hope. Yes.. this takes more time, but HOPEFULLY you are taking the time to actually get to know THEM as THEM, not looking for a generic fill in for the role you want to have for holiday events and social gatherings. If that's all you want, I believe you can buy that.
5. You are not looking for someone to convert or change. If someone does not work for you, do not think.. I can change them. You should NEVER be looking to change someone else. Either you like them for themselves, or you may as well date an AI. It's actually very popular, and I have downloaded a few of the apps over the years. That's definitely a way to get a date that will do and say whatever you want.. and I do mean.. whatever... but that's not real and that's not romance.
Ok... that's enough for now. I am inching my way towards dating, and I may look for someone to get out of the house and do fund things with, soon... I'm already doing group things. I don't need to put so much pressure on it, but it is time to move forward and have fun, again.
No comments:
Post a Comment