I've heard the lessons all the time, as I am sure you have, as I grew up and lived my life. The airplane staff will tell you to put your own air mask on first, before you try to help another. In the military, they said the same thing about putting your gas mask on, before you help another put on theirs. The point being that you cannot help anyone if you are dead or passed out. But, even as I heard those lessons by others, I have always struggled with it, but I did have some moments of success, such as the Florida years that I spoke of where I focused on what I liked to do to learn what exactly that might happen to be. But, I quickly fall back into the routine of giving up the things that make up me, my own soul, to make others happy.
Sometimes, when I think back about it over all those decades it makes me angry. But, I remember one thing that a dear friend of mine said in correction to me after one of those moment when someone that I had cared for became angry at me for simply not providing it to me, anymore. This was many years ago.. maybe a decade. Anyways, when I was lamenting how they were behaving, my friend pointed out that I had been self sacrificing and giving like that for them for many years and that was what they had come to expect from me. Suddenly, I saw that I was as much to blame for how they reacted as they were, because I had left the impression that I didn't have needs, feelings to consider, and so forth. I led them to that reaction, because I had given too much to them and said that it was ok.
As I have noted in the past post, I am not saying that you should not consider others, but you need to consider yourself, first. Even Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself, presuming that you are already loving yourself. If you are surrendering your soul for others and leaving yourself poor and stressed, you are not loving yourself.
So, I ask from others the same grace that I am giving myself... the same grace that I gave myself in Florida, which is the grace to make mistakes as you feel yourself out. However, that grace doesn't mean patience till I come around to being like others or being a good little boy. I'm definitely not very much that. I am by nature emotional, passionate, wild, and hard to control. I value my freedom and like my sexy mind and passion for life. So, I'm not becoming a better version of the person others want me to be... that would be the very picture of violating my boundaries as noted above. But, I will become the best version of myself, and that is the very person I want to be and whom my boundaries are made to protect. So, even though it is a work in progress, I will go forward with my new boundaries, while at the same time forgiving others for violating them in the past, because I led them to believe that was an ok thing to do by not speaking up. From now on, I will make an effort to know what I want and to make sure others know exactly what needs and wants they need to respect of mine, as well.
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