Freedom

The other day, I read a meme that said having money isn’t about money.. it’s about freedom. The last few weeks has definitely shown me that you don’t need money to be free. You can choose to be free and just live that way.

Each July 4th, we celebrate Independence Day and the Declaration of Independence that says…

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—…when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

It’s not just government that tries to infringe on your freedom.  It’s business, peer pressure, media messages about what you should look like or do.  If you are going to pursue your happiness, you have to be willing to disappoint those counting on their ability to control you.  In Serendipity, a character quoted Epictetus saying, “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”  You don’t need money to be free.  You just need the courage to choose your own happiness or the happiness of others.

This week, I left a job that failed to bring me happiness at any point.  I’ve noted all this in the past, but to re-repeat.. When I went to the interview for that job, it was pouring rain.  At the interview, the entire government building lost power.  When I left the interview, I had a flat tire.  When I took my car to Pepboys to fix the tire, their lift broke my car door.  Due to waiting a month for my first paycheck, I had to pay bills on credit and fix my car on credit.  A few months into the job, I was accused of harassment by someone for just being friendly.. 5 minute conversations a few times a week… which management said was just a reaction to someone in the past that DID harass her.  I was put in multiple positions and banned from asking past workers how to do the jobs.  I only worked in my hired position alone for 3 weeks of the entire time I worked there.  I had to take medical leave, and when I returned was placed in new positions without training and blamed for things not done while I was on medical leave and asked to take the blame for work in the past of the new positions I was given.  So .. I left.. and gave upper management much feedback to consider.

I also lost access to my daughter… when my ex that has delusions and paranoia and narcissistic behavior said she was going to block my daughter from seeing me and that if I had a problem with it I could sue her, but that she’s be 18 before I would win so it would be moot.  I bring this up, because my RESPONSE would be an example of freedom and lead to more freedom.  Instead of calling the cops on her and calling a lawyer to take custody, I asked my daughter what she would prefer, and she said to let it just be til she’s 18 and can do what she wants.  So.. I gave up my struggle in exchange for peace for me and my child, and my ex will be known for her own choices.. as the parent that blocked a daughter access to a father. 

ALSO.. I only moved to Florida to be with my daughter.. now that I cannot see her, I’m really free to live anywhere, which I will be considering… I may stay, but it also means I can live as free a life as I want.  I could stay in Florida but move further away, so dating others at more of a distance is also an option.  So, all this ended up doing was expanding my potential in all areas of my life.  As I am doing Ubereats deliveries once again, I could literally move anywhere anytime.. once my eye surgeries are done.

So, freedom doesn’t take money.  Freedom can be found in making less money on your own with power over your own schedule, wardrobe, and radio station you play as you drive into your future making your own money.. or however you choose to do it, once you stop letting the judgment of critics dictate your course.

Resonance

I’ve noted this in my blogs over many years.  In fact, a very long time ago, I read a book as a kid about an apprentice learning the five magics or something like that.  I don’t even recall the name of the book.  But, one of the concepts that he learned was that if two things were similar, affecting one would affect the other.  It’s actually in a way a foundational concept for magic and prayer for that matter.  Scientifically, it’s called resonance, and this tuning fork video displays it well.

But, it’s not limited to magic or science.  In general like people will resonate with others that are similar, and that will affect connections for friendships or more, as well. It affects jobs, too.  You’ll love it or hate it, based on how much it resonates with your soul.

I’m re-learning this, after a couple years of chasing things I found interesting for being different, only to lead to dead ends or conflicts with what I valued as an individual.  So, I’m choosing to work at things I like to do, say what I feel, watch what I want to watch, and be who I like to be.  As I have said in blogs past, if you put on an act to get someone, you’ll just end up getting someone that likes the act.. or the job or whatever you use to attract.  If you want someone that likes you, you gotta show… you.

So, find your place in the universe.  Strike your true note, and let that bring resonance to the things that will most happily fit in your life and lifestyle.  Whether or not it attracts others, you can be happy falling in love with yourself and the life that results.  And, I wish everyone that peaceful journey with me.

Back to Life

Has it really been two weeks since my last post?  Wow.  Well, it’s been busy with getting back to work and certain distractions that I’ll not go into or comment on. But, I have been reflecting on my own mistakes of the past and ways I can grow.  

Often, my own actions lead to my own pains.  I was thinking of my ex’s and how a lot of times my pains didn’t come from them changing but from me assuming something was there that wasn’t.  It’s easy to mistake appreciation for my care to equal care for me, so when I was paying for dates and selling my house for a wedding and more, I’d get a positive response.  Then, when challenges came and the money stopped, their interest would wane, because they weren’t interested in ME but what I provided.  

But, it’s also true that you have to respect boundaries when you care for someone, too.. and that has to be the hardest and most confusing part of social interaction in modern value age.  For literally thousands of years, men would make the move, romantically.  Even today, that’s often expected.  But, what if the other person ISN’T interested?  A grand romantic gesture valuing someone becomes an awkward situation and pressure… even if not being phrased as pressure.  In reflection, I can see the potential that even my ex might have married me out of feeling indebted for my care.. rather than actually caring?  So… how can you actually tell, how do you approach, what is right and what is wrong?  It’s definitely not easy to know, anymore.  I don’t really have an answer for that.. or how friends become more without this exact challenge.  But, what I do know is people have boundaries and only they can invite you to enter them.  So, I’m working on it.

But… life is risk.  You cannot improve without risk, and you’ll never reach your goals without taking them. There will be good outcomes, and there will be bad.  What is an awkward situation for someone receiving interest is a nice reward to another.  I continue to believe you just have to be yourself and care for others. The rest will …hopefully… work itself out.

Hot or Not

I’m going to break from my only non romantic happiness theme, as I have been reconsidering romance as a future reality, lately again.  I think it is a human need… whether or not that is marriage or long term.  I had a dream days ago where I was close to a faceless woman.. emotionally.. and it reminded me how nice that is.

There used to be an app called Hot or Not… Tinder pretty much replaced that as that’s pretty much all that app is about.. physical.  It is superficial and controlling, but the name fits with what I wanted to talk about.

I spent years in both of my marriages over my life trying yo get my wife to show romantic interest in me.  I’m sure it had a lot to do with who I chose.. usually those that liked it when I showed them attention.  In the end, that would be the sum of the relationship for them, and when I pulled my level of emotional display back to theirs, it was the end of their interest, because that was all it had to it.  Not ironically, my 2nd was and is a Instagram influencer, so craving likes is kinda her thing.  But, it’s not enough to sustain a relationship.  Yet, in those marriages, I assumed that they cared, till it was obvious that they didn’t.

I saw a meme this morning that said you deserve to have someone that can’t wait to get to know you and fall in love with you and to stop settling for those that are less.  Indeed, there was a marriage book I read a long time ago that said to go into marriage with eyes wide open to make sure it’s true but then half closed after to not find fault in your marriage.  Probably not completely half closed, but you get the point.  

You must make sure to understand that it is that it is, and it isn’t that it isn’t.  Magic isn’t when you create something, it’s when it happens on its own.  Creating is manipulation, and I’d rather have someone real than someone at the end of puppet strings.  It’s why I am quick to show myself as I am, so I don’t attract someone after an illusion.

So.. every day we must take the courage to ask if this option or that one is HOT for us or not.  Similarly, as the question of how we feel for them.  Wait .. as I will.. til it’s hot on both sides and we are their dream and not their cushion.  To do otherwise will just lead to more problems, later.  I know from experience.

Unfortunate Lives

The other day I made the comment on my social media that it is astonishing to me that in two years we have come from a point when even the rich was begging for government aid to stay afloat and everyone chanting that all we need is love and such to a point where those that don't own a house or have a huge savings are considered lazy and losers, once again.... in just two short years.  I, actually, have a lot more background and thoughts that can go into this, so I am doing a post about it.

In Oklahoma where I grew up, there isn't a lot of opportunity.. for ANYONE for jobs and such.  It is pretty much an unremarkable rural state, because you could see that same type of community in a couple dozen other states, nationwide.  People grew up in simple lives.  We didn't know we were poor by national standards, because.. it was that it was.  That's what we knew when we grew up.  It was just... life.  It would be years before I would be introduced to faster paced society where people were fixated on how many THINGS you had over how good of a person you were.  Did you know that the lowest class in this country is richer than many of the richer classes in a HUGE number of other countries in the world?  They have access to better healthcare, food supplies, and residences than people around the world will spend their whole life never knowing.  It's like those on mount Olympus arguing about who is less than others, while civilization crumbles below.
Three is this belief among those that live among those that have money.  I know that even I was conned into believing it along the way.  It is this belief that those that HAVE are good.... they worked hard and are "blessed" by God with their lives.  I would learn and grow far from that initial thinking and to this day will cringe at hearing someone say they are "blessed" with a good life.  Of course, the opposite that is believed is that if you are struggling, then something is wrong with you... you are lazy, sinful, etc.  Ironically, Jesus himself rebuked this kind of thinking on several times, but it's not like the followers actually listen to everything he says... especially if he says to give it AWAY to those that didn't deserve the "blessings."

I'm poor... I'm pulling myself back up, as I have had to do several times over my life, but by all statistical measures I am poor.  I have had to rely on credit much more than I would have liked to do.... this year my reliance on credit was directly tied to seeking a higher paying JOB of all things.... a job that has netted LESS than other jobs, after you consider the related credit and commuting costs and benefits. 

Yet, I have not only worked hard at that job but others sources of income along the way, as needs rose to meet the income.  In prior periods of my life, I didn't earn as much money, but I still worked hard.  I have been employed since I was like 10 at one thing or another.  I worked as a kid bailing hay, picking okra, sweeping the floors at the school, and helping my dad in his construction business.  I even worked the counter, when he tried to open a hardware store for a bit.  I would join the National Guard at 17 and go to basic between my junior and senior year of high school. I would work at movie theaters, fast food places, and more during my first couple years in college and beyond after college.  Later, I would work in Active Army, as well.  The only time that I was not employed or earning money was when I took 7 years to homeschool an ADHD child that the school thanked me for taking, as she was challenging to them with all her questions and were isolating her from other students. 

For anyone that has ADHD children, they could guess that period was definitely also work, especially as I was also taking care of all the household duties and giving me an appreciation for stay at home moms.  During that time, I would also work to finish my education, while bouncing an infant, after my ex had a post partum psychotic break.  I would get a job and work at one thing or another till now.. often working two sources of income at least.
But.. I'm poor... so I'm lazy or sinful.  Does it matter that Jesus was likewise poor in His life... no. He most have been lazy or sinful, too… since he wasn’t “blessed,” as the perception goes.  One wonders why the church gives to the poor at all, till you learn like I did the prosperity gospel.  I would learn it well… from Kenneth Copeland, Kenneth Hagin, and Pat Robertson, him self.  No.. if you tithe and chant these things than God would be required to give you what you desire…. And the church has the gall to condemn witches, when at least witches know their rituals have consequences and aren’t trying to blackmail a deity.

I know I stamped on the feet of a few icons and my criticism will fall on a lot of other religious feet, but maybe that’s a good thing.  Maybe.. just maybe.. we need to stop judging (which Jesus condemned) the poor and needy and actually do something to HELP them, even if it makes us less “blessed” to do so.  We are a nation where the majority live unfortunate lives, but it doesn’t have to be so bad, if we could learn to love our neighbors, as the Christian founder told us to do.

Look For Happy Moments

The other day, I saw a post on FB that was talking about how so much of our lives are driven by our reactions to negative things that happen in our days but that science shows we also have positive reactions to things that happen, too.  The more we look for and focus on those positive things, the happier our days will be. 

Indeed.  It’s easy to get caught up in what we lack and miss the happy moments we can have in what we have. I spent several hours last night watching an old show I used to watch… NCIS but this isn’t about that.  As I was watching it, I was thinking of the person I was when I was watching it… and other shows like it.  For much of that time, I was in marriages that were one sided and would end badly.  But… in MY mind the issue of finding my mate was over, and my mind was free to just be happy with OTHER things.  Indeed, in those years I HAD to find happiness in other things, as I was not finding much of it in the relationship.  It was similar to growing up in a poor situation with a critical dad and being a geeky overweight kid that got bullied.  I HAD to find happiness in other things and so I did.

I’ve been noting on here how a relationship does not equal finding happiness, as every one of those comes with problems and that you can be happy single.  But, I didn’t go on to HOW to be happy.  Its not always going to be the same for everyone.  You have to think about what makes you happy and start noticing things you like doing.  Then… do more of those things.  Or, maybe it’s not being HAPPY but simply being at peace… calm, mentally or emotionally stimulated, overcoming challenges, etc.  

In the years after my last divorce, there were days when I felt defeated or down, and I would go out and deliver some deliveries and meet a financial goal I set for myself.  And I felt.. happy with MYSELF for doing it.  Recently, I lost weight, and I felt HAPPY about that.  Indeed, I get happy when I create the perfectly reflective playlist or solve some mental problem or create a budget plan that gets me where I want to go.  It doesn’t take someone else in my life to feel it, though it’s always nice to have someone with whom you can share it.

We don’t have to reach a destination or accomplish a goal to be happy, though.  We can keep our focus and expectation on the happy accidents, fun moments, or even the steady, patient drum of a life that is deep and calm enough to just be at peace with the universe and your part in it… something I want more to have in my own life.  So, look for and enjoy your happy moments today and let the challenges come and go with little hold on your emotions or who you will be in this day and going forward.

Relationships and Happiness

 I deleted my “relationships detox” post.  I think it still contains many truths, and it is important to create your own happiness.  We shouldn’t expect a relationship to solve all our problems or make us happy.  Instead, we should BRING happiness into all our relationships, and that includes much more than romantic ones.  

Someone told me months ago that “a friendship is a relationship” .. I needed to hear that then and still important to remember, today.  Indeed, the only thing in my mind that makes a relationship WORK is if there is a friendship there, as well.  And, should I live my life without a romantic one but giving and receiving friendship love my whole life, I would be the most blessed and happy version of my life, rather than walking around bitter that it’s not happening to me.  

I don’t want to cloud up that point, so I’ll just end it here with that.  Be happy.. then make other happy.  Don’t worry about whether you’re single or not.