I'm doing a 2nd blog post in the day, but I have all the pieces of it that came together in my mind, so I want to get it down, before I lose track of what all I wanted to say. I wanted to do a blog post about what it is that I am wanting in a relationship. I have only said pieces in passing, here and there, and I feel that it is important to make it known. It is a good time for me to do this blog post, because I am not in a relationship and have not been in one for almost 10 months. This post will not be a strike back on anyone in the past, because I have grown and changed, and even back then I didn't speak up about my own needs enough or stand on them, so I cannot blame anyone else for failing to respect them. I also failed back then in respecting the needs of them and others, further back, so I am not claiming to be perfect either. I liked that time, and I am ready to move on.. so I don't want this to be about that. It's about me... who I am at present and what I want going forward. It also should not be seen as a prescription pad that must be followed to a T or a checklist for anyone to follow or seen as a job requirements list. Again, it isn't about anyone else. I simply want to state what is important to ME in a relationship, because I do not make that known, enough.
My own tastes have changed over the decades, as I learned more about myself and what I like and do not like and need to be happy. There are many "love languages" as they would say or ways of expression of care, and not all of them can be received by all kinds of people. That isn't to say that they are not important or would not be valued by the right people, but I think we spend too much time trying to force someone we like to speak our love language and appreciate what they are not born to see as love. For example, many do not speak our or communicate their love for another, choosing instead to do acts of service. Except, I do service all day long.. for the needy, for my work, for my friends, etc. I don't get voiced appreciation for that but rather expectation, so while I do not expect anyone to do anything for me it is also not something that is necessarily meaning love but could simply mean they thought of you or maybe even that they just had extra of something and didn't want it to go to waste. The point being, you cannot interpret acts to mean love, always.
I am a touchy kind of person, and I love to hold hands with my romantic one and hold them. I miss that. So, someone that appreciated that would be needed, and one that could return it when I am least expecting it would be sensational. I mentioned how I like to communicate my love, and someone that can communicate it to me would get my attention, a lot. If I am in a situation where I cannot express my love, then that love turns on itself and becomes despair and depression. I want someone that can hold intellectual conversations with me or watch a romantic flick with me, but I don't want someone that is subservient to me. I want someone that is independent enough to challenge me, because then when they choose me, it actually means that they choose ME and is more worthwhile.
There is a phrase that I used to have on my dating apps (which I WILL be using in the coming weeks, because I do not believe in friends becoming something more but that relationships have a different skill set and development track). The phrase was ...
“I believe that the 4 most important ingredients in a relationship are loyalty, empathy, gratitude, and good old fashioned flirting. I believe a relationship is two people trying to make the other person smile. I believe that shared interests are nice but the important part is shared interest in each other. I believe in learning from the past but leaving it in the past and seeing each other as a new adventure.”
I believe all of those are still true for me, as well. I think the only thing I would add to all of the above is that it cannot all be initiated by me. If someone cannot participate in initiating things at times, I will not even entertain it, going forward. I will also need someone that can respect my own needs and boundaries and allow me to live my life in my way... not to say there won't be concessions or things done for them, at times. But, I will not become another person, ever again.
Ok. I think that is enough for now, but I wanted to make all of that known.
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