As with many other things that I take the time to process and think through on my own, there are going to be a lot of people that don't get it or understand, as well as others that are like... FINALLY, he's getting it. But, I don't do my processing for pleasing either group. Sometimes, it takes people a little longer to get there, but they need that time to get there. Rushing them there can have them miss important steps in development, along the way.
So, I wanted to do another post about what it is that boundaries are meant to protect. This isn't a new concept to my point, just an element within it that explains why boundaries are important. Boundaries that you erect to keep you from giving too much of yourself does not mean that you are not going to want to give. I am about to go give my time to a charity, this morning. That is a part of who you are as a person should be one thing that you protect with your boundaries, as well. However, it can and should be limited such that it does not prevent you from fulfilling your other needs, too.
What boundaries are meant to protect in my mindset is the lifestyle and life that you deserve and desire. This cannot be done giving too much to things that grow in need, due to their reliance upon you. You have to balance all of your needs. Do you desire to give gifts to family? Do you desire to go to baseball games and needs of entertainment? Do you desire to read or to puzzle or to get fit or something else? Do you desire to find a romantic partner and live a romantic life? Whatever it is that you have in your mind that will be important for you to be able to be happy, you need to budget your money and your time in order to make sure you have the ability to do them. And, that will require you to say no.
Saying no is not easy to me, but it is something I am getting better at doing the more that I am practicing my boundaries. When I decide to do something for myself, that does not mean that I need to give that experience to others around me. They should be providing for their own experiences. Some, I can include, if that is such that it fits my own goals and is appropriate. There are many things that are done only as couples. In the course of my processing in the last year, I thought... why can't people that are just friends do this or that in a non romantic way. And, truly, it is possible that those involved can keep the correct mentality about the sharing of the events (though that needs to be done actively), but what I am discovering is that everywhere you go others will automatically assume you are a couple, even if you are not. So, it doesn't matter what you believe to keep the right impression. Unless you want to keep explaining everywhere you go, you must set boundaries on what you will do with friends, as well. And, when they are reserved for your special future someone, it will BE special, as it once was with another.
But, to get back to my point, boundaries protect YOU and your ability to BE you and to live the life that you desire with those that you desire in the way that you desire. Give, but the first person to whom you should give is yourself being given the chance to have the life that you deserve to be living towards the happiness that you desire.
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