Deliver Me From Evangelicals

I've said it before.  I can only co conclude based on what I've seen.

One year ago today, my very religious ex decided upon me dropping off my child after our weekend to block all future weekends for my child to be with her dad.  Was it because I did something terrible?  Threatening?  Angrily?  Nope.  We had just spent a weekend together after months of my having to be face down following eye surgery.  We had pleasant conversations, as usual.  The only thing I did was suggest my daughter should apologize for not spending her summer with me as I was entitled.  I had said in the Spring that as much as I wanted to see her I would understand if she had a job and couldn't spend the summer with me. Come summer, my ex texted that my daughter was LOOKING for a job and would be home as she did it... not the deal but ok.  The summer would pass and almost all was without a job but not with me.  So, I said she should apologize, and that set off my ex, who then said I wasn't a good influence on her, and as her mom she "had power" over that.  I noted it was kidnapping and illegal per custody agreement, but she said if i didn't like it "sue me but you won't win before she's 18."  Over the next 6 months of my sending my daughter both Christmas and birthday/graduation gifts...and attending her graduation.. I had good communication with my child via text, til a very long message from "my daughter" that went on several days and said things my child would know wasn't true (indicating it was my ex writing it) I was told to stay out of her life and that I was blocked.  I am almost certain it was my ex writing it, as it didn't match any prior conversations or style, but my ex had 6 months of uninterrupted propaganda aimed at my child to say unchallenged lies, too.  Bearing false witness and not honoring my child's father.

But, that is not my only experience with evangelicals by far.  I had many experience times upon which to base judgment.  I served as a greater in an evangelical church for over a year.  Then, my child got pneumonia.  No one from that church would visit the hospital, and when we returned there would be no prayers for my child, even though they knew my experience.  

I had an evangelical say "god" told her not to date me, after her lesbian daughter objected to her mom that she was dating.  I had an evangelical pastor friend of my 2nd ex that was scheduled to be out wedding officiant post on my FB page on my birthday the week of my wedding that he hoped "I would find Jesus" after he knew I was a long Christian and had a Bible degree.  What he DIDN'T know was his friend I was marrying was a family witch.  And,  I've had a LONG history of evangelical friends unfriend and abandoned me for questioning their political hero or being Democrat.

So, between my history with evangelicals and seeing them judge and condemn anyone different from them I think maybe the Lord's prayer was misinterpreted.  Instead of deliver us fron evil, it should be deliver us from evangelicals, because they seem to be the source of the anger and division in our world, today... following in a long tradition going back to burning witches, religious wars, and invading the middle east to convert by the sword in the crusades.  "God is love," is a popular thing for them to say in non election years,  but it definitely isn't something seen in our lives.

Storm Fronts

I like Thunderstorms.  When I lived in Florida, I missed them. Yes.. Florida gets rain and an occasional Hurricane, but there's nothing like when one air mass comes in contact with another and war ensues as they compete for who will remain, afterwards.

It's kinda like that in my life, lately.  I put in the work to enact positive change, and that kicked off my own conflict of storm fronts in my mind and being.  Do I believe in and enjoy the new or rumble over the old. 

It's not an easy choice, and to some degree both must remain.  But, at some point you have to stop condemning yourself for what you lost and enjoy what you gave in yourself to gain.

So... rumble on and bring the change.  I may struggle with accepting the new, but even I know there is only one way to find happiness after loss... by creating something new for a happy new life.

Humbled

I only blog when I feel moved.  I've started twice in the last several days and abandoned it bothers times for lack of resonance. Finally. I feel resonance,  and it's not pleasant... but... it's real.

We think that society is driven by greed or desire or ambition.  In truth, it is driven by pain and darkness.  I don't mean it is driven by the desire to be healed or find the light.  Since when has the majority of society been interested in truth or improvement.  They are driven by pain.  They try to block it out with distraction of entertainment or success.  Whether they are successful is beside the point.  It was never about where they land.  It was about where they left... particularly about not thinking about it.

I'm not saying you cannot have success,  after pain.  You can.  But, that's like trying to replace a square hole with a triangle piece.  It can be a very good triangle, but it will never replace the square memories.  No matter my success that I will have, my memories of my children will always be good and always be... over.  Let me say that again, because it's hard but is true.  It's over.  It doesn't diminish the goodness of the memory.  But, focus on the memories doesn't help the future.

I'm absolutely in love with the new album of Neoni, The Death of Daisies, which they describe as referring to the death of innocence.  One of my favorite songs on it is funeral, which is the death of the past and the birth of the new.  I find a voice in me not wanting to accept that and keep fighting, even as the reality in me knows that is gone, forever.  Change... requires death of the old, and that's where I am.  It's not pleasant, but mourning and moving towards new reality is the only way this works, and it ONLY works by being humble enough to acknowledge I am less important than change.

It Doesn't Matter If You Win

In the recent Government investigation of Trump that became public, the lead investigator gave an insight to the Trump campaign that he would condemn being made public.

In the release of quotes and testimony from the Jan 6th Capitol event, you have a testimony of a conversation Trump had with his family upon Air Force One in which he said. "It doesn’t matter if you won or lost the election. You still have to fight like hell."  He said this, knowing he had lost the election but was planning on disputing it, because he never conceded anything.  He said he also has never confessed any sin to God.

But, I have to partially agree with Donald on this, because it won't matter if he wins or loses.  I would still make his life hell for every broken promise or harm of lower or middle class if he won for all of his term.  And, just let the right that has failed to even acknowledge Biden as President tell me I should be loyal.  I plan to be a very DISLOYAL irreverent citizen exercising my free right to object.  The election date won't change me at all, and it shouldn't change you, either.

Boxes

Many have heard about Schrodinger's Cat philosophy metaphor.  For those who haven't and to butcher it in simplification, when a cat is in a box that is closed, it is both alive and dead to those outside, til the box is opened and the actual state is known.  Til that point, both are real to others.  I'll come back to this..

We live in so many boxes over our lives... from the moment we are born.  We are male, female, Caucasian (that term will need changing to be honest), black, white, rich, poor, Midwestern, American, Hispanic, Asian, and so on and so forth.  When we enter the world, we have no idea what that means.  We are TAUGHT what people SAY it means.  We are also taught this is "normal" and this is not, this is the god you should be good for and how to do it.  These are the things you should fear.  Indeed... fear is a big one used to direct people.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't avoid danger or harm, but you don't need fear for that.  Wisdom will suffice.

Every year, I watch The Village in October as qe near Halloween.  I will do so this week or weekend, as well.  It is an amazing movie for more than having one of the sexiest actresses out there.. Dallas Bryce Howard.  The series focuses on an old style community that lives a simple life and follows simple rules to protect them, such as avoiding the "bad color" and not going outside the border, otherwise the evil creature will get them.  If you have not seen it and will stop here and go see it and return.  I must give spoilers to make my point. 

As the story unfolds, the "beast" starts coming and leaving dead animals all around and a young man is stabbed by a mentally challenged another young man. To save  her dying friend, a blind girl chooses to travel to another village to get medicine.  But, to allow her to travel, her father and village elders must tell her the truth... there is no beast.  It is a costume that they wear to keep people doing what they want them to do.  In truth, it is modern day, and they pretend it is an old age to create the society they desire on land that they own.

I tell this to make a point.  Until the blind girl hears this, it is real to her... all of it.  Then, the blind girl sees more than most others with eyes.  She did what she was told, and her life and the village WAS the embodiment of the lie... even if it wasn't true.  It was REAL because the box was closed... much like the boxes the elders had to keep their objects from their old life.

We live in the boxes others define for us.  We fear things,  and that fear produces real reactions by ourselves and others that judge us by the boxes... but.. here's the thing.  The pretty and shiny box... isn't real.  It is created.  And, if you travel from one city to another, one country to another, and so on... the boxes are different and the reality is different... but all because they keep the boxes closed and unchallenged.

I've learned enough in my life to know you can't change all the world.  People love their boxes, and they will even try to force you to fit in their boxes.  But, I've also learned you can change YOUR world as simply as saying... you know... I think I'll choose another box or no box at all... but choosing ANY other box will make finding a center more easy.

Until you open your box of your life,  you are...whatever you want to be.  And, all of those are real and can lead you to your own happiness,  even if it takes living apart from others trying to fit you in theirs.  So, take comfort and liberation in that realization and choose a box and life that leads you to life not fear and condemnation.

Create Life

"Find a purpose for yourself, not your father." (Kaos, S1E1)

That  quote was said by a good truck salesman to Dionysius in the first episode of Kaos on Netflix, when the god was lamenting that his father, Zeus, wasn't giving him any real promotion or purpose.  But, I think it is a valuable lesson for all and introduction to a theme for this post.

We are all like him in this mistake of thinking, so often.  We sit around waiting on others to save us or give to us purpose and meaning of life.  Then, when they reject us, it can destroy us for a long time.  It took me years, but I finally learned in the last 6 months to value myself enough to start making decisions and actions to make myself happy without needing to check in with someone else.  It was and is very liberating, and it makes me pity others when I now hear them lamenting what others are not providing them, rather than them just doing it for themselves.

God, as the chief target of expectation of provision, is called God primarily for having "creator" power.  Indeed, our country Thomas Paine, who i greatly respect for his logic concludes that while he doubts human religion he believes in a god, because he did not make himself.  I don't know that I fully agree with the logic, but I respect it.  That said, however, there is a flaw in his reasoning.  We DO create ourselves.... every ... single ... day.  Each day, we have creative power to decide what we will do, and that choice creates the life that we receive.  We are our own god in that manner.  My current location, employment, and more are end results of choices that got me here, and any success I have as a result was the natural outcome of those choices.  So... I tend to think time that is spent begging for an answer ... like in the Disney movie wish that makes the same point I am making here.. is better spent actually CREATING your future as you desire it to be.

So, since you have that creator power, use it wisely, use it empathetically, and use it without thoughts of what others owe you.  Create your own purpose and "to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot." Ecclesiastes 5:18

Freedom and Rights

It bothers me that I have to cover something so basic, so obvious... something with literally centuries of understanding, til recent years.  But... here's where we are.

Let's talk about freedom and basic human rights.  We have a lot of use of the words by those that don't understand the basic definitions, so let's start there.  

Rights: "A right is a power or privilege held by the general public, usually as the result of a constitution, statute, regulation, or judicial precedent." (Legal information Institute)

Freedom: "The state or fact of being free from servitude, constraint, inhibition, etc.; liberty" (Oxford)

We have in recent years adopted another view in society that says freedom is freedom from discomfort.  It says, you shouldn't be forced to do or be exposed to something you don't like.  The view says... I should not be expected to observe you living your life in your way, if it conflicts with my own beliefs.  It says.. I shouldn't have to learn something that I don't want to learn.  It says, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for my actions.

Let's take crossdressers, trans people and such, even though this can be equally applied to gay couples, atheists, women's rights, minorities and... well.. basically everything being attacked by one political party, today.

When someone wakes up and says... you know... I'm not comfortable with the stereotype I'm seen as being.  This can go either way .. a man that doesn't want to be seen as commanding or controlling or competitive or more... or a woman that says I don't want to be seen as only a support of a man or weak or as an object for men to observe or use.  Yes, this crosses over into equality of men and women to choose their role, as well.  Or, maybe they say as a man that they prefer soft clothes or using makeup or feeling "pretty" or a woman that doesn't like that look and just wants to look strong and to fit in with men, like another "dude."  What harm are they doing... to you .. in doing it?  On your side, no one is telling you to be trans.  No one is banning dresses and makeup for women.  No one is banning testosterone for men.  Indeed, even if a woman took testosterone, it wouldn't block your ability to use it.  

One point I have made many times in the past and again recently is this.  When someone is upset that a man wears a dress or makeup or a woman cuts her hair short without makeup... or they choose occupations or hobbies of the other sex, it gets huge and vocal objections by conservatives.  A few days ago, one President candidate repeatedly called a male VP candidate on the other side a "tampon" and encouraged his side to mock the man for not being "masculine" enough.  And, right there, they make is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that gender is not based on sex organs.  After all, if it were, it wouldn't matter WHAT a person wears or how they act.  If they have a penis, they are masculine.  If they have a vagina, they are feminine.  By attaching definitions to what qualities those words have, they are DEMANDING that gender is a CHOSEN way of acting that they demand you must do... getting us back to "constraint, inhibition..liberty" above.  Those demanding people live in one specific way are taking away their liberty and demanding they live by the choices of others.. just so those others feel more comfortable.

But, who ever said life was comfortable?  Try making money without work.  Try getting fit without exercise.  Try getting ANYTHING done in groups if you only allow like minded people to interact with you.  

Diversity.. for all the hate on the right for the term.. is simply saying that you have the freedom and right to choose what makes you happy, so long as you don't stop my right to choose the same in my life and with my body.  That's what was understood when the Constitution was written (though it would take a while for all to have equal access to that right), and that's the only way we move forward to peace and success in our national future.