Trust What You Know

I have done great things with my fitness.  Since October, I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I am feeling and looking very healthy.  And, there is one key thing that has been true, both in regards to exercise and diet.  I had to trust what I knew to be true instead of what I felt to be true 

With exercise, it took months of exercise, before my weight began to drop, as my muscles had to build and muscle weighs more than fat. So, for months I was feeling tired and sore and saw my weight actually go up at times.  But, I knew it would change if I stuck with it.

Similarly, I cut my portion sizes and had meals with less carbs and more protein that was smaller in size.  My body felt like that wasn't enough food, but I knew that nutritionally it had all that I needed.  So, I would eat less or eat celery or other low fat healthy things, if I really needed to eat something.

Had I followed my feelings, I would have given up or made little progress.  But, I trusted what I knew to be true, and I saw results.

I tell you this, because it is true in other areas of your life and fits with your boundaries and guiding your choices.  Very often, your feelings might be making you doubt what you know or try to make you imagine things that are not present.  You have to pay attention (see prior post) and determine what you know you need and what path will best get you there.  Facts can change, so you have to be flexible, but your best shot at happiness is if you stay true to what you know and not what you feel as you walk your own path to progress.

Pay Attention

We spend so much of our lives feeling unsure about people pr situations, but the thing I've come to see is that we are given all the information we need to guide us, often.  We just either do not pay attention or choose to ignore it and expect otherwise than can be seen.  

In the movie He's Just Not That Into You, a man tells his woman friend that if a guy is not calling, he doesn't want to call.  It reminds me of the song I have referenced in the past, Gloria by Laura Branigan where she asks a woman why the guys are not calling if they really want her.

This is an important concept to guide your life, and I've been echoing it, because I have spent too long in my life ignoring it to my detriment.  No, I'm too often the woman character in that movie saying I'll be the exception and believing people are feeling things they are not showing.  But, the reality is...unsurprisingly... reality.

Someone that wants you will be acting on it.  Someone that cares will express care.  Someone that wants your company will come close.  If that isn't happening, you are best to stop expecting it.  This is not just limited to relationships, either.  It can be local social ties or friendships, financial planning in situations, or simply whether there are things outside of yourself that are impacting or influencing your peace or joy.  It is also only based on the present.  There might be joy in the past or pain, but the reality that guides us best is whatever happens in the present without sentiment or blame.

So, this blog post is simply me saying that I am and will guide my life by what I receive and learn to flow with the waves, rather than fight them.  Wherever that leads is my next adventure to discover.

Be Objective

There has been a sizable shift in my personality over the last several months in gradual but permanent shifts.  I have always had a rational mind, but my emotions have always been allowed to lead.  That has now come to flip.  I don't want to give the impression that it was due to pain or hold anyone to blame for it, because I do not see it as a reduction but an improvement.  It doesn't even have fully to do with relationships.  It was more a reflection upon myself and where that emotion lead balance has led me.  Boundaries wasn't developed to protect me but to focus me.  And, for that change, I'm grateful.

You've heard me say that "it is that it is" and "it isn't that it isn't."  That's become gospel to me in all of my life.. in all areas of it.  I am striving to always look at everything objectively, rationally, as to determine what is real.  Then, I know what banks are on my river.  It doesn't make sense to expect what is not evident.  If nothing is happening,  nothing is happening.  If a situation is holding me back from my needs, it is time for that situation to change.  If an environment isolates me and separates me from happiness, that environment must change.  We often believe we are a victim of this or that, but the reality is we all have agency and responsibility of our own lives.

So, yes, I have emotions and feel deeply, but I must use my mind to observe reality and use that to guide my steps. And, this short blog post is my challenge for you to do the same.  If you can act within your power to improve your condition or restore your joy, do so.  If you cannot, then change your direction towards paths that will lead you towards new joys.  You owe it to yourself to do so.

Yes, You Can Live Single and Be Happy

I spend a lot of time blogging about things that intersect with relationships, and at times I have blogged about preparing yourself for one, being in one, and more.  So, someone could assume that the path to happiness must include one.  I want this post to break that assumption.  You can live happily as a single person, dating or not.

An actress made headlines this year by saying she was not ever going to share her residence with a man, again.  She said she liked her space and her way of living in it.  She didn't say she wasn't going to not date.. only not share the home with them.  Lately, I've come to remember and value that in my own life.  The times that I spent years on my own, wearing what I wanted, eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted and doing what I wanted, without needing to check with someone about time at home or out or shared resources.  

The actress is not alone in this.  It is a growing movement where people date or even get married without living together.  There is a long list of celebrity couples that are well known as a couple and are married but live in different homes.  This list includes Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, and others.

However, you don't have to even be married or in a relationship to be happy.  You can simply be you and live your life without a partner.  Years ago, I had a medical issue, and I was alone and felt that I should either be in a relationship or near family for things like that.  However, that was society conditioning.  If I paused to use reason, I could have realized I could expand my friendships to moments like that or even PAY someone to help when I had the need.  You shouldn't be in a relationship just to have a taxi or a nurse.  You should be with someone, because you love them.

Now, the result of all of the above and the modernized society in which we live means no two people's life will look the same, no two residences, no two couples; and I think that's only natural.  No two people are the same, so it is only natural that as we pursue our path to happiness the result will not look wholly like ANYONE else.  But, in the end you will be happy, and isn't that the point?

Life Lessons From a Run in the Rain

I went out for my run, earlier.  The experience,  I thought, touched on several life and faith lessons that I thought I'd put down from it.

It was a rainy day.  I watched the radar prediction to find a window in the clouds long enough for my run.  But, the predicted break kept being pushed back.  Finally, a break in the predicted radar appeared, so I got in my car and drove to the running path, waiting for it to come, because.. life lesson one.. you have to plan to be at the right place at the right time.

So, the time approached and rain had almost quit, so I got out if the car and began the run.  And  .. 30 yards into my run it just poured on me, and I found an overhang to avoid the rain.  Life lesson 2, then, is no matter how good it looks or the source, don't trust others to set your timing.

At this point, I considered going home, but I knew this was my run day, and I was already wet.  So, I was determined to run, even if I get wet. Life lessons 3 would be, if it is important to you, you keep going with patience and determination... within reason.  It must be possible.  There must be potential.

Then, finally, the rain stopped, and I had a good but short run in the cloud break, but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't already there.

My final point on this blog would simply be this.  You might say that all this is reason and planning and not faith.  But, I'd counter that everything I did was based on the foundation of believing that I could make it happen, and I did.  I didn't sit around praying for the rain to stop.  We need the rain.  I just planned how I could adapt with things outside of my control to make a way to get what I needed in the end, and that is something I think we can all use a little more of doing in these days.

Be Prepared to Be Judged

I'm reading Enders Game right now and am taking a break from it to do this post that has been on my mind.  It does include examples of this in it,  but you can find it, anywhere.  The theme is that you will be judged, so get past that fear right away and move on to being productive.

Judgment has become the currency of society.  It is the given means of acceptance, the way to absolution, the alternative to feeling or thought, and the altar of rebirth.  There are so many reasons for it that it is without number, but it is the most popular thesis around which the world turns, now.  

Judgment is not new, and the world goes through cycles that typically result from who or what is being judged... foreigners, self, sin, priests, exs .. whatever.  And, to those judging the facts of the matter do not matter for much.  You can be judged for being too emotional, too cold, not religious, or simply being religious in a different way.  In Enders Game, his parents had to hide their religion from the public but then disputed into which faith the kids must be baptized.  Religion seems bound for conflict rather than unity, historically.

There has been centuries of war over how someone wants to love God or who they want to love.  This month, many are judging others for how they choose to love themselves or others around them.  And, the President wants to erect a cage for conflict as his national symbol, which definitely seems a fitting symbol of his Presidency.

So, point made.. you will be judged by someone.  Now that we have that established, lets move on to the... so what.. factor.

If you live your life trying to please others, you will fail at the endeavor and will waste time you could have used more effectively building towards a better version of yourself that more fits and rewards yourself for being yourself.

So, in this month of LGBTQ pride, I'd suggest that you take pride in yourself, no matter what your differences are and even if you are not LGBTQ to love yourself and stop trying to be accepted by anyone else (a fools errand) and instead be accepted by yourself.  Then, let that lead to more happy paths,  ahead.

Create the Future

I've been focusing a lot on things like boundaries and how discontent leads you to progress.  It's a little dark and uncomfortable to have yourself look at reality and the need for change, though it is all very important.  But, this post will focus on the positive that follows the struggle to change.  You get to decide what your future can be.

Indeed, there's a lot in our past and present that wasn't our choice or didn't unfold like we wanted.  For most of my life, I have been living to make different people happy.  I don't regret that heartfelt characteristic of my personality.  I am not saying I won't continue to do that at times.  But, only until recently and a few other times in my life, I have chose myself as the person to make happy and as the main factor in choosing my path.  

In the movie The Holiday a man tells a woman that she should be the leading lady of her own life.  You, also, we're given that charge when you were born.  The person to whom you owe the most care in your life is yourself.

So, you cannot do anything about the past or the present, but you can do something about the future.  I know if it might take time, you can feel like the discontent is overwhelming and feel depressed.. I understand that well.  But, just keep planning for your future and looking ahead at what is waiting for you.  That will help steady you... or you can drink ha.. but keep your eyes ahead and keep moving forward.  The darkness will one day be no more, and you are worth the work it will take.