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 It's been an eventful week.  But, it's finally starting to settle down, so I thought it would be a good time to do my next blog post. I was driving from Florida to Tulsa as part of my move and staying in 2 hotels along the way. For most it was uneventful and steady. The last day , however , I began within ten to fifteen minutes of driving of having an overheating radiator.  I drove it to a nearby bait shop in the sparsely populated Arkansas road. The man in the bait shop said I could use in water hose at the back of his store to fill up my radiator. So I filled it up and I drove it to the next town where I bought several gallons of water. 

It wasn't a huge leak.  I was able to drive 60 to 70 miles before I put in another three quarters gallon of water. But it got me all the way The way to tulsa to be able to check in on time at my new residence. 

Then I was able to start figuring out how I was going to fix the car.  Having had to fix the car at all means I could not pay a month's worth of rent at the new place that I was going to be staying so I had to pay at the higher rate weekly rate, which costs five hundred dollars more over the course of a month. So I set about calling different places to fix it. 

A good friend of mine suggested amazon afterpay which allows me to not have to pay for the parts right away at least  and that saved me a lot of money. Then, I had the parts shipped in to a mechanic that I found that was able to do the labor at a cheaper rate. Now. I have my car back, and I'm able to deliver over the weekend And, I was able to sell a laptop and with the money from both of those I should be able to pay for the next couple rents and be completely back on track.

There is a point for me telling all of that as relates to the point of this blog post. During the course of all of this, I did not overstress.  I did not get overwhelmed. I did have to deal with many stressful things and was able to systematically do it logically without getting emotional or anxious over the shortage.  I was able to do that because I have a lot of experience of disappointment and issues that I had to overcome. 

And,  that is the point of this blog... overcoming struggles by experience with disappointment and struggle, as opposed to simply relying upon positive and hope.  There is a question that is asked in some of the surveys that I take that asks about how I react to stressful situations.  Do I fall apart at stressful situations? Or, am I able to process them.  I don't fall apart when negative things happen, because in my mind there's no point to fear. There's no point to worrying over it. Wastes time that could be used figuring out the next solution. 

I have a lot of experience in my life of overcoming things and knowing that I'm able to overcome things I am able to approach things by simply asking...how am I going to overcome this?  

For several months now I have been focusing on the value of darkness or the value of struggle and strengthening us and preparing us and helping us to have the right mentality to be able to approach life. It is precisely because of this that I was able to approach the situation logically and simply thinking about solutions as opposed to feeling depressed or down. Someone that focused solely on the light would not have the capacity to handle and overcome the situation.

So, don't underestimate or undervalue the struggle you face, because it could be the strength you need in the future that you are building.

Forward ON!

I'm going to make this my last post, before I move.  Between tonight and tomorrow, I'll be very busy working and want to try to watch a miniseries tonight, before my Prime membership gets paused.  But, I try to write when inspiration hits, and I am feeling this post from reflections I've noticed over time and is appropriate to the blog and life events.

This will not be a political post.  But, I do see one thing that that involves some politicians and other that I want to mention... not even people I particularly always like.  However, it is worth noting, and to do so I have to note how it works for them.

I'm not a fan of Biden or Trump.  I've opposed both at different times.  However, one thing we can see with Trump is this... he never quits.  And, one thing we can see about society around him is that he was once persona non grata.. he couldn't even have a social media account, til they figured out that was illegal. Slanderous things were said about him.. and some true negatives.  Yet.. here we are with him as the main candidate of a political party, and there is a growing chance that he will be elected again like Harrison was in history after a period (I think I'm related to that Harrison.. I think).  REGARDLESS of his critics, he just kept believing in himself and staying consistent and others bent to finally accept him.  I'm not sure that is a good thing, but it is true.

You can see this in the trial of Johnny Depp, too.  For YEARS he was guilty before a trial and lost many movies and tv shows and more.  But, he just kept pushing and fighting.  Now, after the trial cleared him, Disney is begging him to do his roles again, and I JUST saw a new SAVAGE cologne ad with his face on it, again.

It is easy to feel disheartened, when you see rejection all around you.  It is easy to feel like saying... well fk them all.. and just walk away from it all.  Many actors and actresses have done with Hollywood over the years, in fact.  But, the thing is that people liking you or hating you are often based on trends, and one thing about trends is that people like to change them.  If something stays the same too long, they will look for a reason to challenge it, and if you are still out there doing your thing, your time may come.

So, all I really wanted to say with this post is this... and I'm saying it to myself as much as anyone else.  No matter what has happened in your life and no matter how much you feel you have failed, you only fail is you quit trying.  Yes.. change your procedure or evaluate your desires to make sure they are true to your soul and make adjustments as needed.  But, if you believe in your convictions and like your likes and have your preferences, STICK to them.  I won't ever be a clean cut, church elder, football watching, dominant man.  I will always have an independent streak and challenge opposing structures.  But, I will always be me.. empathetic, scifi loving, music playing, logical-artistic streak person that always works to better my life and make a difference.  And, it doesn't matter if some around me don't appreciate that.  The only way I get to someone that does is to ignore the critics and keep moving.  Forward ON!

Reason Pt 2

Yes.  I know I already posted today, and I know that I already posted on this subject HERE.  But, it's been developing in my head, and I feel that it is important to post on it, today as well.

In just a few days, I will be moving back to Oklahoma, where I spent ten years before coming to Florida and in total maybe another 11-12 years of my life before that in different locations.  It will be good for me to be back there for many reasons... economic, family, foundation, familiarity, and a good reset turning point for my life away from all the stressors that has controlled much of my choices and life for many years.  But, I didn't get the decision to go back there from following unrealistic visions or feeling the need to "stick it out" to prove something to anyone or myself.  I didn't pray for a sign and follow that, either.  I recall exactly when I made the decision.  It was maybe a month ago or more.  I was sitting on my bed and reflecting on the mess my life has been over the past several years and trying to figure out how it could be different.  And, I thought... why haven't I been using my reason that I use to solve the problems of others to solve my own problems?  Then, I thought about how when I have a problem to solve over the many decades of my life or a work problem or more, I always had just pushed STOP on life, evaluated where I was, evaluated what I wanted, and made adjustments to get there.

I've mentioned in prior posts how I served in Artillery in National Guard and Active Duty and how that can teach us a thing or two about how to approach life.  In artillery or even in shooting any weapon, you fire first.  Then, you observe whether the shot fell like you wanted to do, and you made adjustments so that the next shot would be closer to the goal.  When you fail at something in a way or a few ways or a lot of ways, you can feel overwhelmed and like a failrue, UNLESS you learn to see life like this.  When you fail, you should push STOP, evaluate how your attempts and environment is progressing towards what you want, and then you LEARN from it and try again.

As I reflected on the past years and especially on the year immediately prior to this, I find that I was struggling and spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere towards what I desired.  In fact, I was going backwards.  I came out to be near to my child, and the change of events and the growth of the child made that less of a priority, leaving me to question my location.  My health events that found me having to fend for myself without family nearby only REINFORCED my feeling already that I missed family that was back in Oklahoma that I never got to see.  My reason evaluated the costs vs income of living in Oklahoma vs living in Florida, and there was really no comparison at that point.  Florida's costs have kept me working harder than I have ever had to work for a lower living standard than I could have back out in the midwest.  My texts to my child could be done equally from here or there, so there was really nothing holding me here at that point.

I also noted in a social media post several weeks ago about an old animated movie I saw as a kid.  I think it was called Black Cauldron.  In it, the man was fighting an evil wizard with spells, and he countered them with logic and fact and education.  I was not saying anything about the use of magic or spells.. sometimes they can be useful.  However, IN THE END, spells and wishes all bow to WHAT IS and WHAT NATURE dictates.  You can try to influence that, but nature ultimately wears the crown.  Logic, math, truth... these are the real powers that even the Dieties observe in their Scriptures and to whom they all must bow.  If you don't want your car to break down... don't cross your fingers and chant happy happy thoughts.  Go get it fixed and maintained.  Then, you'll have the faith to drive it without fear.

I looked at my life, and I said... what do I want?  I knew that I didn't want to keep struggling on the edge of bankruptcy and homelessness and need more money, so I began looking for a higher paying job, which I will continue to do till it happens.  A great potential surfaced this week, but we will see.  I knew I wanted to be able to send my child gifts from that money, and living in a cheaper place makes that more likely.  I knew that I wanted family nearby, so moving back was a good idea.  I didn't HAVE to waver over what to do.  When I began to analyze what I desired, the rest wrote itself.  I do also want romance, but that romance will be best enabled when I have established the rest, so I'm not thinking about it, til later.

So, I just wanted to cover this topic again, partially to remind myself and partially to help others.  If you have a problem or problems in your life, your BRAIN will be more capable to solve those problems with reason than your emotions that waver or dreams that disappear or change.  So, take the time to just push pause, look at things, and see where that leads you.  It will probably be a more happy path.

 

Freedom to be Happy

We just passed Memorial Day.  I did not post criticism or support, because even though I am a Veteran that joined and served for protecting freedom, much of the use of the military has been using soldiers to promote economic or political goals or to enrich political or weapons groups.  So, I don't have a position AGAINST soldiers, and especially soldiers that served in older wars I have great respect for the freedoms that they did defend.  HOWEVER, we don't always see that goal in the mindset of those that are in power ordering them in recent decades.

Indeed, freedom has taken a back seat to partisanship and media crusades in recent years, and this is true on both sides of the major party spectrum.  It's one reason that I don't align myself with either party.  It's not a battle for freedom versus control.  Both have groups they want to have freedom and groups that they want to control.  Me, being in the middle along with many independents, we get to expose the hypocrisy of both sides of the political spectrum.  

So, while people chant and sing patriotic hymns for a weekend twice a year, they turn on their heels within hours to identify what people SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be ALLOWED to do... more on the should not than should.  However, EITHER is one person making a decision about what another person may do, prompting the questions of where they got authority to decide that and more directly how freedom is maintained within it.

Take Trans people, for example.  Groups on both sides have recently came out to battle against them... or more precisely.. battle against their FREEDOM to wear what they want to wear and do what they want to do, suggesting that their freedom must be restricted if it is in the presence of someone that disagrees.  If that is the case, no one should be allowed to do anything, anywhere... since we will always have critics.

Then.. and to break the Google and social media ban on mentioning Ukraine's war (for obvious point in this article), if you speak about the Ukraine war, you are subject to being shadow banned or more for doing so.  If you suggest that while Russia was and is wrong for their part in the war they do have a point that the area they occupied was Russian favoring people that asked for Russia to come save them from daily rocket attacks... you are suddenly THE ENEMY for having a differing opinion.  There is a lot of that going on in the last decades.... condemnation of people for simply being different than the politically approved text or standard.  

Of course, being an INFJ like I am and an independent, I have offended countless people for speaking uncomfortable truths about the church, the GOP, the DNC, the media, the vaccines, the wars, and so much more.  If I haven't said enough code words to get this post banned, let me just add questions about Scripture, religion, hedonism, and wealth.  But, I do have the gift that many do not have... the peace to be able to say what I feel and do what I want to do... you know... freedom for which our soldiers died.  I hope for you all the same freedom to pursue your own happiness, however that happiness looks to you.

I'm Intense

 Back when I did dating apps and answered questions on some of them, I remember one question that I always hated answering.  It asked if I was carefree or intense.  Now, I have always WANTED to be more carefree, and it was true that I have learned, especially lately, to let things go and accept life and have diverse interests and such.  And, I would often check mark the box for carefree, because I was just imagining it from the other side with someone thinking ... oh great an intense person that will wear me out, because that has been the reaction I have got from some more carefree individuals.  

However, I am intense.  If you really think about it, intense is very similar to intend, and it wouldn't surprise me to be the same word origin.  When I do ... well anything... it is because I intend to do it.  And what I intend to do, I usually do it passionately.  Carefree to me seems non-commital and has an air of pretense.  I'm not knocking you if you are more carefree or have a different perspective about it.  I would assume that those that are more carefree WOULD see it differently and probably have a more peaceful life.  However, for as hard as I try, I cannot just do anything without first having a core desire for doing it, and I will spend a long time afterwards analyzing my own actions and statements to learn from it for the future.

So, for example, when I am involved in a romance that I have accepted (I have to test it first before opening up), it comes with gifts, flowers, gestures, romantic talk, physical touch, and more.  When I accept a job, I learn all that is necessary to master it, work at it harder than others, and am always concerned about the outcome of every task for which I am assigned... even though in the life long run, it doesn't really matter.

I think that like introverts being made to feel broken by extroverts, the intense are portrayed as bad by many that often then complain about not being able to find someone of depth or empathetic or affectionate.  So, among the other things I am reclaiming about myself with the attitude of I don't care if you like it or not, I'm going to confidently and passionately enjoy my intense side, as well.

Introverts, Extroverts, the World, and Media

Last year, I began to consider something and have seen a few meme's questioning it, as well.  Over the last week, I've also been considering something new from time to time that expands the question and gives it a little foundation, as well.  The question begins with a query in memes that asks why the extrovert world feels that it is the introverts that are broken and needing correction, instead of the other way around.  Why is it that the introvert must speak up more and not the extroverts be more quiet?  This is not going to be a slam on extroverts but a harmony, so stick with me.  However, it is a worthy question, when you consider all of the things we gain in the world by slowing down and using observation and reflection skills over boldly going forth.

Over the last week, I considered the various types of media that are out there and the creators and audience of that media.  One the one side, you have actors and movies.  They are, by nature, extrovert in that they are putting themselves OUT THERE and WANTS attention and to be seen.  So, their creations are often about going, doing, action, interaction, etc.  The audience that likes these qualities are either inherently or by watching them similarly extroverts that want to do the same.

On the other side, you have writers and books.  You often don't even know what an author looks like, because they prefer to write and live in solitude.  As such, their creations are less interested in boisterous loud expressions that can be seen but the quiet inner dialogue of their well founded and understood characters.  The focus is on plot, meaning, depth, and truths.  Those that read the books are, by nature, not looking for simple and loud expressions but to find those qualities that writes convey.

But... what are the most popular and lasting expressions of both?  I am probably not alone in saying that I have seen movies or tv shows made about books much more than the books, themselves.  And, there are a lot of these kinds of creations.  Indeed, one of the best selling things that can be said of a piece of visual media is to say that it is "based on the book" and that line boosts interest by both introverts and extroverts to make it not only a hit but a lasting classic.

So, I think that deep inside both introverts and extroverts NEED each other and seek out each other to complete their own limits.  The introvert appreciates those that have the courage to speak up or act, and the extroverts appreciate the depth and complex nature of those less quiet.  I think the only reason that extroverts want introverts to speak up is that that is the only way they know with which to connect, and the introvert may appreciate the extrovert, but they are left lamenting that they are not made to be in that world and often find themselves alone... unless they find other introverts with which to connect, but even that is difficult for an introvert.  Meanwhile, extroverts have similar difficulties in that they might find others that will do things with them, but those connections are often short lived and surface.

So, my conclusion is that just like media, the best matches of friends or otherwise are those that have a combination of both qualities.  So, here's hoping we can get past the walls and divisions we create in our society to learn to appreciate in others what is missing in ourselves.  We might just find greater happiness in the combination.