The Bright Side of The Dark

I think sometimes we miss the opportunity to follow opportunities, because our mindset is still stuck on things out of our control from the past.  When the reality of the situation is that there is a bright side to everyhing, even the things we think is dark.

I think a good way of approaching it is to begin with the statement... if I HAVE to, then... and then follow that statement with a positive alternative or quality.  If I have to exercise to get fit, then I am going to run races and buy workout gear I like.  If I HAVE to work, then I am going to enjoy my paycheck.  If I have to be single, I am going to enjoy my single life.  If a situation or environment not pleasant, there are so many ways to change that, as well.

In any moment of our lives, we choose our perspective and our response.  What does it benefit us to think on things that are lost, when we can use that same time to prepare for what is to come.  I know that some things and people were important in the past, and those memories are good to have.  I love my time with my kids, for example.  And, there could be happy days with them in the future, as well.  But, right now, they are not present.  So, if I HAVE to live that reality, I am going to enjoy my days on my own, til and if they are part of the story, again.

Life happens, and so much of that life is out of our hands.  But, there is so much that is in our power to affect and do, as well.  So, whatever has happened in your life that might feel dark only makes it easier to see and follow the light, until you find your own bright side of life.  And, I hope you love where it takes you.

Let Freedom Ring

This weekend, I celebrate freedom, as the holiday was designed to do.  As such I celebrate all kinds of freedom, including the kinds that are at threat of control by many of those that are celebrating it loudest.

I celebrate the freedom to choose your own faith, which was a freedom sought by many of our first founders. That faith can be non Christian or no faith at all.  You are free to choose to believe whatever you like.

I celebrate the freedom to say what you want to say without getting approval from someone else, including the freedom to speak out against the current government without facing penalty.

I celebrate the freedom to love who you want to love and choose your own romantic partner or to choose to live without one.  You can have children or choose not to have children.  

I celebrate the freedom to read what I want and watch what I want, even if it is spicy and to enjoy my own body or the body of someone else that also chooses it, as well.  And, we would be free to decide what that means.

I celebrate the freedom to drink alcohol and have fun or to sit at home and do a puzzle if I am so inclined... including the freedom to do that instead of watching fireworks because I might not be feeling it under the current regime.

Whatever you choose to do with your life or whatever you choose to do for this weekend, I celebrate that you still have the freedom to choose it,  yourself.

Thank You

 You wouldn't think it would be important to note, but it is important and has been for many decades and centuries.  My only hope is that is can be seen differently in the future.

One thing that I have seen so often in the past but is something that is never noted by others, because it is religiously incorrect is that people often thank the wrong person...

Lets assume a hypothetical situation where someone has done something for another person.  It is a man doing something for a woman.  The woman, however, says that it is something that God is doing for her.  So, she gives God all the credit for the good that was done for her.  And, she says that God blessed her with that thing, even though it was done by the man.

However, later, the man does things that were not as pleasant.  Those thing cannot be blamed to God, so they are blamed to the man.  And, so... God gets the credit for all the good, but man gets the blame for all the bad.

When, if we looked at it from the perspective of reality, the good was done by a man that wanted to do good, and the bad was done by a man that was human.

I know that this post will not be accepted or understood by most that read it, but it must be done, nonetheless.  

For a moment, imagine there is no heaven as the beatles says.  For a moment, consider that all there is is humans.  Consider that we all make mistakes and are growing.  Then, realize that  life is not about what others give to us but what grace we allow to others for what we desire for ourselves.

For myself, I am grateful for all the good that others have broubght into my life, and I do not give that gratitude to God but to them, even as I do not attributte their choices to a devil but to them as well.

So, to summarize, thank you for the good that has come into my life, whatever the source, to the source from which it came.  And, I will grow from what has happened in my life to greater points of gratitude.

Futility

I saw a good quote, today,  by Michael Jordan, that says, "To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail." I think that is a very good quote, but I think it is probably misunderstood by most that read it.

In order to learn how to fail, you have to be willing to admit something is a failure.  You have to admit that you have something to learn and to admit that what you did did not accomplish what you set out to accomplish.  Then, after that honest assessment, you need to accept constructive criticism, which... to be fair was not my strong suit in all my elementary school report cards... and to grow from it.

As I have matured, I am mu more willing to accept such criticism and to grow, not because I am broken and have no will left but because I recognized the futulity of it all.

There is a scene in a Matrix movie where Neo is talking with an elder, and he faults them for not being willing to take action to actually fix anything, because the elders sees a wider view of things and are driven by less passion.

Especially in the last years of my life, so far, I have realized that there is a lot of things in our lives that we never really had control to change.  It reminds me of the dterminism theory that is illustrated in the Devs series, but basically in the end it is just the half of the serenity prayer that says may I accept the things I cannot change.

We should take ownership of our lives and responsibility for them and do all that we need to do to enjoy those days, but part of doing that is to realize when a path or a choice is not fulfilling what we desire and to alter our course upon learning it.

In the Army, I was a gun driver in a howitzer, before I became a first sargent driver.  In that position, we would move to a location and then shoot and then learn from our failure how we needed to adjust to hit the target.  If we were unwilling to admit that we failed, we would spend all our time failing and potentially setting ourselves up for risk.  So, it is important to admit when something is futile.

So, as you proceed towards happiness, be willing to admit when avenues do not lead there and be willing to adjust your trajectory to get there, or you will fail to hit your mark and the only blame you can have for that is failing to learn.

Future Perspective

There's a lot of things that I love about my mother, but one thing that I will always remember is that when she begins a new book, she would often glance at the final chapter before beginning the book.  It makes sense.  You wanna know if the story is going to go where you want it to go, and knowing what happens helps you to see the things happening in the book from the perspective of the end.  That is the theme of this post and is a new way of seeing things for me, future perspective.

Indeed, this concept will stand as a counter weight to my often posted theme of adventure.  Both are important in their own way.  You should face life without knowing all that will happen.  There is some point to not knowing, so it can be interesting and exciting as you experience life.  However, I have noticed something about how I have viewed life for most of my life.  I looked at it as if I was looking at it from the past.  How would my past self look at these days in light of the dreams I had or how would this person or that person view and judge my life.  However, what is the point of either of those things.  If you have grown from your past self, why should that self have any bearing on who you are now.  And, if people have chosen to exit your life, they kinda disqualified themselves to be an authority on who you you are having given up on you before you grew and improved.

I do not think it is a wise thing to see things from the present perspective, either.  Life is happening all around you in a lot of ways.  It is mixed and sloppy and fluid.  Theologically, there was a distinction between the spirit and the soul in that the spirit was life and action and change, but the soul is what maintained character and depth.  I say that only to say that any given momemt is just that.. a moment.  We should never judge anything by the page upon which we read.

But, if you have taken the time to know yourself and what you want in life, those dreams are you future.  When you look with a backwards perspective from assumption of having reached those dreams, what is the value of the past that didn't work..... what is the value of the present that you are doing?  Each failure becomes a learning step, and each choice becomes guided by the future perspective.  Instead of feeling depressed for not being there, yet, you can draw joy from a future perspective that you are only on chapter 2 with a lot of story to go to get to your reams.  You'll get there.

So, I will be adopting a future perspective of my life.  I know what I want to achieve and experience.  If choices do not lead me there, those choices can be made better.  I will not know exactly how the end result will look, but that's where hope comes into play.  Hope is knowing you trust the result, even if you do not know the way, and that leads us back to adventure.  So, I challenge you this week to look at your life from the perspective of days to come, and I will be doing the same.

Strut

I have been doing a lot of fitness over the last half year.  I got back into running in the course of it.  Really, it began in October, but the first few months didn't really accomplish much for me, as I was not monitoring my diet and wasn't excercising with long distance walks or running.  But, as part of my desire to become the best version of myself that I could be, I decided to dedicate myself to giving 1myself the best health and body that I was capable of doing.  So, since October, I have lost 21 pounds and have done a couple official runs in the last few months.  

My first official run was a long one.. 5 miles.  I didn't focus on speed for that one.  I just wanted to finish.  So, for a month I would gradually increase my run distance and was running often.  After training for it, I did complete the 5 mile run.. with a not so great time but did finish.  So, my next goal was speed.  In the 5k that I just did, I had a run pace in the 13 minute range.. 13:41.  I have to go back years to find a run that I did at a faster pace.  

Between the running and the weight loss, I began to feel really good about myself.. how I looked, what I had accomplished, etc.  And, I noticed something.  When I was walking, I was not looking down at the ground as much.  I was walking upright and looking forward.  And, I walked with the confidence of someone that felt they deserved to be there and had was worthy, which is something of which I didn't even fully know I was doubting.

This, and other self improvement and self love meditations, has changed my perspective in many ways.  I do not feel that I have to convince anyone to like me.  I like me.  If they do not, they can move along.   I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

One slightly tangental note ... Along with this improvement and meditation, I was forced to remain in an uncomfortable environment, and that disontent led me to want to change things in my life, as I have noted in general posts over the last months.  However, being forced to remain in it has had another aspect.  Being unable to run away from it, I had to face it and deal with it.  This is where the self love and confidence comes into play.  I still wish to move to a better environment, but what I have accoplished is knowing I don't HAVE to run away.  I am just as worthy of being here as anyone else, and I can go to events and enjoy my days knowing that.  That said, choosing my BEST environment with the most potential for future happiness is still my responsibility.

So, I don't know what it would be for you, but find something that makes YOU proud of you.. look at your accomplishments and your qualities that you love.  The world may be depressing around you, but you can strut with a little confident swagger, wherever you go, knowing you deserve to be there and respected even if only by yourself.

That's Not a Relationship

I did something similar in the last week on my social media, but I will do it here to expand and explain it, more.  As with anything that I write, it will be general and conceptual.  It is not meant to say anything about anyone in particular, and indeed I will be first to note for this post that I have been guilty of the misunderstanding a lot, myself.  However, when I get a realization about something I like to write it to help others that have not realized it, yet.  

For a lot of my life, I have thought I had an understanding about what a romantic thing would be to do for someone and what distinguished a relationship.  However, I realized in my times of personal and general reflection that I had a misunderstanding, which I think a lot of people out there also shared.  So, for this post, I want to write about what a relationship is NOT.  There will be a lot of people out there with strong disagreements, likely.  That's fine.  This is just my own realization.  You are free to disgree with me on it.

First, a relationship is not taking care of someone or providing for someone.  Why do I say that?  Because you can and likely will take care of and provide for many people in your life, not the least of which is your children.  Are you in a romantic relationship with your kids?  I seriously hope not.

Similarly, a relationship is not buying presents for someone.  Again, same reason, you will give gifts to many different people in your life.

A relationship is not giving someone encouragement and support.  A relationship is not receiving anything listed above or more.  In fact, simply receiving something is a passive response, not an active participation in anything.  A relationship is not cooking for someone.  I cook for people that are just friends, as well.  

I can go on, but I think you get the point.  Am I saying these things should not be present?  I sincerely hope they are in some degree with someone I will be with someday.  But, those qualities by themselves is not romance and is not a relationship.  Indeed, often when that is all that remains it becomes mechanical and mundane and begins to fade away.

In my opinion, a romantic relationship is found in the little things that express romantic interest and attraction and romantic love for someone.  It is in the little notes left for them to find, the little touches when they were not expecting it, the cuddles and hand holding of two people empowered by those touches, the smiles and laughs that no one else gets to see, and literally TELLING them how you feel about them from the weakness in the knees to the warm love in the heart.

I understand that no everyone is comfortable with emotions, so the list above can be modified and expanded as per your situation, but I do believe that it must be present with active influence from both sides, or... what exactly is your reason for not just being single?   In my own life, I am content to be single and enjoy my time with friends and family and more, until there is some expression of this from someone in whom I feel the same way.  I do not plan to cheapen the dream, and I don't think you should do so, either.  But, your story is your story, and I respect your ability to write it how you will.  I am just giving what I feel will make it even better.  Have a good weekend. :)