Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Letting Go

The 2nd post inspired by my watching Devs, again, is the most difficult for me to write or enact.  Indeed, I went out and drove the afternoon on my day off, rather than write it.  But, I did reflect on it.  It's about letting go of things.  I particularly have a problem doing that.  I'm not talking about letting go of the pain of being hurt in the past, but that is a challenge too.  But, it's much bigger than that in many different ways.

For example, my child is almost an adult.  Yes, there is the reality that my ex has in essence kidnapped her by violating our custody agreement.  But, my child will be 18 this summer and can do whatever she want at that time.  But, that will be college and living an adult life on their own.  Yes... I will be checking in and answering any questions that they have.  But, the days of scrapbook picture events and seeing them grow has passed.  That chapter of the book is closing, no matter how much I try to keep it going.  It passed with the older child, and it is passing with the younger one.  So, I have to ... let go.. of my child being that young child of my memories and filling that role in my life.

I also have to let go of my desire to recreate the image of family and romance that I once wanted and thought I had.  Time has passed, and age has crept up on me.  As such, even if I do find romance, again, it will not be the kind of children and family structure that I envisioned.  The person that I find will have their own children, likely, and it won't be the creating of children but the sharing of children with each other as adults or no children at all.  In a way, it will be a cleaner form of romance, because it will just be two people living life together, but it is different than it was in youth, even in that.  So, I have to let go of how I expect it to look.  It won't look like the past, and hopefully neither of us is trying to make the other a replacement for their ex but to see it as a new adventure.  Adventures are usually not very defined at the start.

I also need to let go of the expectation of perfection.  In Devs, the man leading the team has a perfectionist attitude.  It either works exactly to his expectation, or it doesn't work at all.  In one episode, one member of the team fixes the formula and makes it work crystal clear.  However, it is not the specific and expected end result the leader wanted, so he fires the one that fixed it.  Picking up the last point and extending, we can't have a picture in our head of how things will look and be paralyzed by the end result looking different.  Further, we cannot expect others or ourselves to be perfect to each other.  Now, if it is a long pattern of failure, that is something to address.  But, whether it be a relationship or the search for a new job or career or more... you are human.   Others are human.  Cut everyone a break and allow room to adjust to new realities.  It is too much to expect anyone to move quickly to major changes with perfection.  So, let go of perfect, and make a few mistakes to learn along the way.

That's all I wanted to say for this post.  The last was about recognizing that everyone comes from something as a cause and effect and using that to make wise choices for your path to achieve the results that you want. So, this one adds to it by saying as you make those choices and are faced with unintended life changes, let go of the old path and perfection for the new one.  If you stay focused on what you want to see, you will be like Harry Potter staring into the mirror that shows his desire and miss out on making the changes and choices that you need to do to adjust to the life that you DO have in front of you.  If you would be happy for longer than a moment's memory, those dark times of change and stretches for growth will be necessary if you want to get there.

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