When I go for walks or exercise, I often do not feel it for a few days, even though the strain is present. Often times also, I will have to lay for a half hour on a heating pad, before I fully start to feel how much back is actually hurting. So many times in our lives, we are so focused on being functional that we do not fully appreciate our strain, until we begin to rest and recover. However, a place of happy and secure distraction can be just the thing to help us in our days... taking our minds off the negative and finding places of pleasure and joy and among others that note our positives. And, little by little, you begin to remember that it is ok to be happy, again. You realize you actually have many good qualities. You begin to accept that you can have pleasure... that you are both allowed and empowered to do so. And, it is upon this foundation that I plan to build my next blog post... pleasure is a good and important thing to have in your life.
Maybe a year ago or so, I was reading a book called Dopamine Nation. It was talking about the dangers of being driven by pleasure... Particularly, it was focused on how when we are driven by seeking dopamine fixes of pleasure, we can get more and more addicted to it with less and less affect. Indeed, I could imagine how that can have negative effects on relationships that are not also built on respect and admiration of more things than can be measured in senses. However, denial of pleasure has in my opinion more damaging affects than overuse of it. If you go around depriving yourself of pleasures, you will find yourself in a lifeless existence and feeling little point in living or doing things. There is a benefit of having the carrot in front of the donkey to lead it forward. And, if you deny yourself pleasures, you will find yourself wondering why you never desire, anything... particularly since you are denying yourself desires.
Many.. especially those that exist in many church cultures, will deny themselves the benefits of masturbation, for example. They will feel it is sinful or evil to engage in it and deny themselves until they reach marriage. However, they then get into a marriage that is passionless, as it was based on denial of it.. and find themselves inexperience and insecure in the performance of it. Further, many will go out and rush into a new relationship after a breakup, for example, to get an excuse to be allowed to have an orgasm. Then, that relationship can prove toxic or rushed, all of which could have been avoided if they just clicked on some porn and touched themselves. Porn.. in my opinion.. is MUCH more healthy than a rushed or toxic connection and much easier than going through the endless dating app interviews to get it.
Now, many will say I'm just being cynical, and I will give you that possibility. I am fairly fresh out of a painful relationship breakup, but that breakup in my mind only gives this more weight. I do not want to deal with the potential of hurting someone or the risk of someone hurting me, right now. But... I can and do find pleasure, every day. And, feeling more satisfied in that and in caring connections of others around me, I feel safe to think and reflect and heal.
I do not know if I will ever choose to be in a relationship in the future. However, I don't have to decide that, now. Even reflecting on it, now, is poor timing and incomplete information. But, what I CAN do is find a place of stability and happiness that does not require me to have such commitments and fears. And, life does not have to have marriage as my goal to be happy, ever again, so I don't need to see that as a sign of being healed and complete. But, that said, I don't have to and will not deprive myself of pleasure in my life, if allowed in moderation to necessary goals and efforts to move towards a happy life. A life without pleasure is a life without joys, and I plan to live a very happy life.
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