I am going to expand upon one of my anthology notes from earlier, today. It is something that has been developing in me for a while, lately, and is actually where I almost was back to weeks ago, before I got side tracked by attempts to distract me from this point that is VERY important for society and is very NOT an area of discussion out there for others to hear... thus it is perfect for the Dark Chronicles post series.
For how best to begin this post, I am choosing to return to a social media post that I did, before the distraction, because I think that was the point of the distraction.. to get me off that topic. I had done a post where I was talking about how I do not regret my past relationships, even those that did not end well. They had things to teach me and that there were good in them, as well. This is a theme you can see in other Dark Chronicles posts, such as And, as well as many posts of mine that go back literally YEARS but that gained much in the last year. There is good to be found in every attempt, and I do not blame myself for taking the risk or making the attempt, no matter the outcome. It was a good quality of myself to try, and there were good moments to be found in every interaction, whether it was an interaction meant to continue or not.
It is the character of our society to want to put things in boxes. Society wants us to label things as all good or all bad or all one way or another. Yet, there is LITERALLY nothing that is all one way. Even the God of the Bible, itself, was different ways at different times to different people... even as the Bible said they were all ONE and all GOOD. In myths, the devil can make something sick and be a villain but God can eliminate an entire city and be just. Why? One target was deemed good and another "evil." That's a little harsh, but stick with me to the liberating application that will give you peace.
To continue, our society loves boxes. They feel they need to define their lives in terms of boxes. Do you fit in this box or that box. Those that fit popular boxes are deemed more worthy and those that fit unpopular boxes are deemed not. So, men and women, boys and girls, will strive to have family structures that fit the approved boxes, feeling that doing so will make them happy. Then, however, they find themselves unhappy, even after they have the box. So, they try to be MORE and MORE box like. So, they start to control their situation and to condemn anyone in their group for not fitting the box. So, more and more control happens from more and more failures of expectations, and everyone involved is less and less ... happy... til people start to leave. Then, the focus turns to who is to BLAME for the failure to MAKE everyone happy. Of course, the real problem ends the same way it began... the need to force a box and the expectation to fit one.
Over my life, I have tried to fit in boxes at different times. I've LIVED the above sequence more times than I can count, and I've often shouldered the blame for the failures. Sometimes, I contributed to the failure in someone's box, and sometimes I was the one frustrated at not having the box. But, I can tell you that looking back that even in the attempts that would fail, there were moments of excitement and happiness, when it was new and fresh and no one was held to expectation or blame... when it was just about caring for someone and being the object of their care and attention. And, I've also repaired disconnection in some cases, after all the expectation and demands where gone. Indeed, sometimes, the best thing that can happen in a connection is disconnection to erase expectations. If you no longer own someone or someone no longer owns you (in relationship terms) no one is to blame by choosing to be themselves.
Lately, for example, I have reconnected with my ex wife. This goes contrary to the rules of our society that says that when you have an ex, you do not continue to communicate with them and instead should thrust all the blame and pain and anger and more that you feel on them, like a sacrificial lamb for rebirth. Yet, the end result of that is disconnection, anger, and more, leaving you feeling unhappy about yourself in that time, as well. So, when I began that reconnecting, many were steadfastly opposed and were confused, because it was not normal... there wasn't a BOX for doing that. There wasn't a justifiable reason for me to care for her as a person or her to care for me, whether it was romantic or even NOT. Society, and often religion, would rather you be angry and channel blame. However, it has brought me the most healing and peace of my entire life... even as I stood condemned by those that preach love and forgiveness.
But, I'm no stranger to choosing the unpopular and untrendy path. I've been doing it for years. The difficulty, however, is that as you start to chart your new direction and make your own decisions on it, there is no guidebook. Each stage and step is beyond the norm and therefore is a different language from what most can comprehend, let alone advise. What I can tell you is that from my experience any control or demands of expectation is the beginning of the end of a connection. Less expectation and demands allows for more reality and more truth, since you know that those that remain do so for their own desire and not to match an image or please the public.
I wanted to do this post on this topic on this day for a reason. It is Columbus Day. My goal is not to justify all of the life or acts of Columbus or his people. However, he and other explorers left out of their ports on a journey into the literal unknown. They couldn't rely upon past experience or the words of others to guide them. They, instead, set out with hope and a spirit of adventure to experience and learn along the way. I cannot know for sure where my path or paths lead, and there may be twists or turns in the way. However, what I can do is wake up each day, grateful to be experiencing and learning all the days that preceeded and step forth in hope to enjoy the day that lies ahead. And, that, I believe, is what is necessary to live a happy life.
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