The other day, I picked a month in my FB memories and went year by year from 2011 forward for several years to see what I had posted in those months. It was a good reminder of both memories and of concepts. There was one of the posts that was a quote from the animated Xmen 97 show episode 2 in which the older Jubilee says..
"I know a part of you wants to hang here. It's nice knowing how every stage ends. No surprises. No twists. It always stays the same. But that's not living. Living doesn't get cheat codes or extra lives. But it has friends and family. Love, loss, and heapings of hope. Life's a total risk and it's on you."
Then, the next day, I saw a quote from The Little Prince book that said..
"Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we'll hurt each other. But, this is the very condition of existance. To become Spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."
I've actually covered this concept many, many times over the years in my blogs, but I have not been of a mental state to receive it for a while. You cannot advance without risk. An online counselor that I follow had a video the other day speaking about how if you want to have peace you need to be ok with letting others misunderstand you. In Serendipity, Jonathan's friend quotes Epictitus saying that if you want to improve you have to be ok with being thought foolish and stupid. Growth and improvement rarely come with applause. More people want you to fall on your face than to see you succeed, and many are not able to understand your own personal successes, even if they weren't so distracted by seeking their own. So, take the risk, but don't expect an audience or ... likes.
But, as you take your risk, I would like to instill one important counter point, which I have often said in saying the value of the attempt does not rely upon the result. It is a VERY good thing to always be trying and seeking to improve and reach what you need to be happy. But, in that pursuit, it can be disheartening, and there is a a temptation that comes in along the way that says, "This is the best you can expect, so just take it," even if the person is not particularly interested in you beyond how you can meet their desires. You deserve someone that finds you... YOU, not what you give them.. fascinating and wonderful. You deserve someone that will make an effort to win you, to keep you, and will fight to not lose you. Do not ever feel that you must settle for what will only leave you feeling alone or lacking IN a relationship, especially when you can find more happiness SINGLE.
There was an exchange in the 2nd episode of Testaments where one girl said to another that she didn't want to be married and didn't want a husband. The other was shocked and said, "What would you do?" It is so sad that so many feel this way, even now. I have lived enough of my life single to know and have rediscovered in recent months that you can still go out to eat at restaurants on your own, go to ball games on your own, go to concerts on your own, etc... or go and do those things with friends. You do not need to be in a relationship to have them and definitely not be married. I am open to being in a relationship that makes me feel safe and happy and allows me to make someone else feel safe and happy, if it works with my attachment style and love languages. However, I am not going to rush into anything and feel like I have to see it through, simply because that is the general default of society. Like most single people of an older age, I have done the period of kids and family, and I don't need to have a wife to have a happy life... though not everyone can understand that.. especially anyone in their early decades.... thus.. be content to be misunderstood.
So, to sum this up, you DO need to risk, if you are going to seek reward; however, you do NOT need to have that risk limit your own happiness or what is the point? Risk, but always remember that YOU are the one making the risk for YOUR goals, not those of anyone else.
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